In Vino Tragoedia

The Captain may have stumbled upon what could become a regular feature: bad things happening to people who've had a few too many.

Exhibit A:

A Wausau man was rescued from the Wisconsin River on Thursday after he plunged into its frigid water while drunk and chasing a hobbled goose, police said.

Troy Kaczor, 40, told police he shed his shirt and shoes at Big Bull Falls Park in downtown Wausau before he dove into the river, intending to catch the one-legged bird and then roast it, Wausau Police Lt. Bill Kolb said.

[...]

Police arrested Kaczor, 529 McClellan St., on a warrant for bail jumping and took him to the Marathon County Jail, Kolb said.

Exhibit B:

A drunk 20-year-old woman fell about 20 feet from her apartment window early Thursday in downtown St. Cloud, while pursuing her cat out on the ledge, authorities said.

A witness said that the woman was sitting by the open window about 1 a.m. and smoking before she fell two stories to the sidewalk at 25 1/2 5th Av. S., police said.

Exhibit C:

Yes, they were nude and drinking beer on their porch while listening to Bob Dylan, say two men charged with incidents at a Roane County sanctuary for lions and tigers.

But no, they didn't run naked through Tiger Haven, Jake Loftis and Samuel Adams say.

Loftis, 22, of Blaine, and Adams, 26, of Knoxville are charged with indecent exposure and vandalism in connection with a Sept. 16 episode at the big-cat sanctuary located on 50 acres in a rural, eastern part of the county.

The warrants allege the men, who lived on the property and worked as cat keepers, "ran nude around the complex exposing themselves to co-workers."

[...]

"It was kind of a protest, really," Loftis said of their decision to get naked. He said it was their way to express anger at being fired.

"I know it was a stupid mistake; something I'll never do again," he said.

"I got drunk, and I got stupid, to be honest," Adams said.

[Wausau Daily Herald] [Star Tribune] [KnoxNews]