Eschaton Kutcher

Good thing Ashton Kutcher has read Ensign Killjoy's prediction of the 2011 Zombie Apocalypse and is preparing himself accordingly. If the End of Days means the end of having to watch his stupid camera commercials, it can't come soon enough for the Captain.

Ashton Kutcher is in hard training for the apocalypse, but this no big screen role: he's afraid that armageddon is coming.

Speaking to Men's Fitness, Kutcher predicts that the "end of days" is on its way, and he wants to be prepared for the inevitable madness. He told the magazine:

"It won't take very much, I'm telling you. It will not take much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that people rely on based on electricity alone... [P]eople are going to go, 'That land's not yours, prove that it's yours,' and the only thing you have to prove it's yours is on an electric file. Then it's like, 'What's the value of currency, and whose food is whose?' People's alarm systems at their homes will no longer work. Neither will our heating, our garbage disposals, hot-water heaters that run on gas but depend on electricity - what happens when all our modern conveniences fail? I'm going to be ready to take myself and my family to a safe place where they don't have to worry."

Kutcher is stocking up on guns and spending hours and hours running the canyons near his home, pushed on by visions of being chased by wild boar. He's also taking daily bikram yoga sessions, and learning Krav Maga, a deadly Israeli combat technique taught to high-powered special ops.

"All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the end of day [sic]. I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about."

[Huffington Post]