Your Paycheck Will Kill You

Tomorrow is the the 1st of the month and it's also a Friday, which means most the lucky few of you who have jobs are going to get paid. Woo-hoo, par-tay! Right?

Wrong.

University of Notre Dame economist William Evans studied four major demographic groups—seniors on Social Security, military personnel, families receiving tax rebate checks and recipients of Alaska’s Permanent Fund dividends—and found that mortality rates significantly increased the week after checks showed up in their mailboxes. The three causes of death with the largest increases were substance abuse, external causes (all kinds of accidents) and heart attacks.

“After getting paid, people are just more active -- they go out to dinner, head to the store, drive more, go to bars, etc.,” said Evans. “Some of this behavior is inherently risky, like drinking too much or driving drunk. Some of the activity will naturally increase risk -- if you drive more, the risk of being in a car accident has increased.”

[...]

So, do you need to be worried when payday rolls around? According to Evans, probably.

“What impressed us the most was the fact that the effect was so broad-based -- we found increases in mortality after payday for senior citizens, young people and tax payers,” he said. However, younger people, in particular, tend to have larger increases in payday mortality, as evidenced by the study’s results for the military group. You may not need to be worried, but you might want to be more careful.

[MSNBC]

The Beginnings Of A Great Idea

This is a great idea but it doesn't go far enough. What about us folks in coach? God forbid a crying baby disturbs a member of the upper crust. What about us proles?

Why are babies flying anyway? Where are they going? Babies and planes don't mix. Parents with babies should stay home with them. Period. When you have a baby, you need to resign yourself and stop bothering the rest of the world. You made a choice, deal with it, and stop subjecting me to all that noise.

The other possibility would be having flights EXCLUSIVELY for babies. So they could cry all they want and only bother each other, instead of the rest of the human race.

Bottom line is, babies are a nuisance, but they are just so damn cute and the cuteness protects them from any real objective criticism, and that just isn't fair. Kudos to Malaysia. Who knew they would be the new vanguard in common sense?

MALAYSIA Airlines is to ban babies travelling in first class on the airline's new Airbus A380 and Boeing 747-400 fleet.

The airline said they have introduced the baby ban after receiving a number of complaints about crying infants from first class passengers, the Australia Business Traveller reports.

The airline has decided not to install bassinets in the first class cabin of its Boeing 747-400 fleet.

Those wishing to travel with babies will have to book bassinets in business or economy sections instead.

Malaysia Airlines CEO Tengku Azmil told the Australia Business Traveller first-class passengers complained about spending a lot of money and not being able to sleep “due to crying infants".

[news.com.au]

Mother's Milk -- Newest Form of Weaponry

Exhibit A:

Deputies with the Delaware County sheriff's office arrived at a banquet hall early Saturday morning expecting to break up a domestic dispute. Instead, they were met by breast milk.

[...]

Witnesses and [suspect Stephanie] Robinette's husband told deputies that he and his wife were having an argument and that she struck him multiple times and then locked herself in the car. He also told them that his wife was intoxicated following a wedding they attended and started the dispute, the sheriff's office said in the news release.

The deputies said Mrs. Robinette began yelling profanities when they approached the vehicle and refused to get out. She then informed them she was a breast-feeding mother, removed her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk, Sheriff Walter L. Davis, III said in the news release.

[...]

[Robinette] faces charges of domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

[...]

Further investigation into the case could lead to additional charges, including harassment with a bodily substance, Davis said in the release.

"Many factors go into this, including whether deputies were actually hit with the breast milk," Davis said.

Exhibit B:

A South Carolina mother has been charged with murdering her 6-week-old daughter after traces of morphine were discovered in the mother's breast milk.

The six month investigation concluded that Stephanie Greene had been abusing painkillers prior to her daughter's death, according to police.

"She had been 'doctor shopping,' visiting different doctors, each not knowing about the other," said Master Deputy Tony Ivey of the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office. "She was taking those drugs in such high quantities that, as a result, the daughter ingested it."

[...]

Ivey said that the coroner suggested that the lethal dose killing the infant came either through the breast milk or from intentionally placing it in the child's mouth.

"We're assuming it was through breast feeding," he said, adding that this is the first case of its kind he has ever seen.

[The Columbus Dispatch] [ABC News]

America Responds To Debt Explosion; Builds Expensive Shit We Can't Use

Recycled as what? Can they make water bottles out of this thing? It's comforting to know that some things never change. No matter how many problems we have as a nation we will also have a spare two hundred million for a military equipment boondoggle. Planes they don't need, ships they can't sail, whatever. And if you criticize it, you're un-American. So to be an American you have to be really stupid or otherwise figure out how to ignore this kind of thing.

James Bond is cool though. I liked Oddjob.

Call it a funeral at sea for the U.S. Navy's Sea Shadow. The stealth ship, which served as an inspiration for the supervillain's supervessel in the James Bond movie "Tomorrow Never Dies," is set to be dismantled and recycled.

The Navy had hoped that a private buyer would come forward and take the spy ship off its hands. Alas, there were no takers, so the bizarre black Sea Shadow is heading for the scrap heap.

Call it a funeral at sea for the U.S. Navy's Sea Shadow. The stealth ship, which served as an inspiration for the supervillain's supervessel in the James Bond movie "Tomorrow Never Dies," is set to be dismantled and recycled.

The Navy had hoped that a private buyer would come forward and take the spy ship off its hands. Alas, there were no takers, so the bizarre black Sea Shadow is heading for the scrap heap.

News of the ship's inglorious end (which is probably coming soon) inspired waves of Web searches on Yahoo!. Over the past 24 hours, online lookups for "spy ship 007" and "james bond spy boat" sailed to big gains.

The ship, which resembles a stealth fighter airplane, cost the U.S. Navy $195 million to build and operate, according the U.K.'s Daily Mail. The ship was "never intended for missions, just testing."

If you're thinking the Sea Shadow would look pretty cool in your own backyard, here are a couple of things to consider. According to Fox News, it's about 160 feet long and 70 feet wide. And it hasn't exactly been getting regular oil changes either. A Lockheed Martin spokesman told Fox that the company "hasn't had anything to do with the ship for at least four to five years"--suggesting that the new owner could well be in for some heavy maintenance work.

But all is not lost. Navy spokesman Chris Johnson told Fox that there could still be a last-second taker for the Sea Shadow. If that happens, it would be an escape worthy of 007 himself.

[yahoo! news]

Puke Art

If you think much modern art is revolting, this "work" is definitely not going to be your cup of fur.

Performance artist Millie Brown is a trailblazer in a new medium known as puke art. Her latest work, “Nexus Vomitius,” features her drinking an array of colored liquids and then throwing them up onto a canvas while accompanied by opera singers.

[The Frisky]

The Once And Future Queen

So here's Bristol Palin, she is the daughter of a failed vice presidential candidate, she's done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, no job, just nothing at all, but she's got rich parents and she'll never have to work a day in her life and she's going to write a tell all and tell us what she thinks based on having no experience whatsoever with what the typical American goes through. Least of all, the typical American teen mom.

Dig a little deeper and she talks about not knowing about wine coolers, and also does not know that having sex repeatedly will get you pregnant, and once she gets pregnant, she reveals her character judgment is awful since the guy she banged repeatedly is a total doofus. She must have thought he was cute or something right? Plus we only have her account. This is what I always tell my wife when she tells her friends bad things about me. "You picked me honey." You only make yourself look bad. Levi said they wouldn't have sex again until they were married. I guess when they "became intimate again" she was blown away by his considerable charm? She was taking birth control pills for menstrual cramps? Not for birth control? And now this brand new person with really good judgment writing a tell all? We're lucky to have her around.

But let's talk turkey. What does this reveal about Sarah Palin? What kind of mom is she? Apparently not the kind of mom that would have a frank talk with her daughter about the facts of life? Did she think her daughter would figure this out for herself? How about the alcohol chat? Doesn't the typical American parent discuss this with their kids? I know my kids practice drinking as soon as they're old enough, and this is a radical concept, but when they go out in the world they are READY! They aren't waking up in the morning wondering what happened.

I'm wondering if Sarah Palin ever talked to Bristol or if she did and Bristol is just such an uppity slag that she did it anyway. Maybe she knew she could milk it all along and she did it on purpose? Will this be revealed in Sarah Palin's tell all? How she really feels about her daughter, knowing she gets drunk on wine coolers and makes it with guys on camping trips, sans condom? No condom talk either? How about STDs? Maybe in Alaska they don't have them.

The most important question - what would it cost to get Trump and Palin to make a sex tape? I know Trump needs money.

From Levi Johnston to Meghan McCain, Bristol Palin has been put off by a lot of people.

In her memoir due out Friday, "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far," the 20-year-old daughter of former Alaska governor/potential presidential candidate Sarah Palin reveals her true feelings about the father of her son, the daughter of her mother's 2008 running mate, and much more.

The most biting words in the book are reserved for Johnston, Palin's high school boyfriend and the father of her 2-year-old son, Tripp. Palin was drunk on wine coolers when she lost her virginity to Johnston while camping. She writes that she "didn't know that girly flavored wine coolers were just as likely to get you drunk as the hard stuff."

Palin had vowed to wait until marriage to have sex, and when she confronted Johnston about the encounter, he said they would refrain from the act until after saying their vows.

But, Palin writes, they soon became intimate again and she got pregnant with their son shortly after. She writes that she was taking birth control pills at the time to treat menstrual cramps; she went through eight home pregnancy tests before she was convinced of the positive results

Motherhood is a constant theme of Palin's book. Now, though she's made hundreds of thousands of dollars lecturing to young adults about abstinence, she relishes her maternal instincts. While visiting Haiti on a humanitarian trip with her parents, Fox News host Greta Van Susteren and the Rev. Franklin Graham, Palin offered to take home a baby reeling from Haiti's 2010 earthquake.

[abcnew.go.com]

Today's Advice To DIY Homeowners - STOP

I was cracking up reading this, looking at the numbers. This catalogues about a half a million people a year who wake up thinking "gee I'm a real man, I'll clean my own gutters," and spend the rest of the month in traction. Really I had no idea. I'm kind of a DIY guy myself, mostly because the people you hire aren't necessarily any better than you, at least at a certain level. I'm not a DIY plumber, for example. I go with a licensed guy for that. But painting, that kind of crap? Sure. It's all tied up with this stupid "being a man" thing too. Being a man gets you in trouble, period. Just a ridiculous concept altogether.

I don't use power tools very often. I have a handsaw. I like the advice about using a power saw. "Keep both feet firmly on the ground." I could never write this type of instruction because I would just ASSUME that people knew that. So I can't be a "technical writer."

If you look at the stats, everybody should stop the whole DIY thing and hire people to do absolutely everything. This would be a win-win of helping the economy and making people safer at exactly the same time.

The more I think about this, damn this is actually the best single idea I've heard (yes I heard it from myself) this year, and it really kicks the ass of every idea I've heard from any politician this year as well. It's not like I'm using this as a political platform but if any town or state wants to pay me to represent them in some unofficial capacity I'm available and you won't be sorry.

Accidents that typically send people to the emergency room involve falling off ladders, getting struck by mower debris, lacerations from a power tool or chain saw and burns or breathing difficulties caused by household chemicals. “We want to keep reminding people how easy it is to do a job right by doing it safely,” says Meri-K Appy, a safety expert with the HSC, who reminded us that June is Home Safety Month. Here are five of the most common do-it-yourself mishaps—and how to avoid them.

Climbing a ladder. Falls from ladders and stools sent over 246,733 Americans to hospital emergency rooms in 2009 (the last year for which full statistics are available) according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Experts from the CPSC, HSC and Consumer Reports recommend the following:

•Use the right ladder for the job. Always select a height that doesn't require you to reach up or out in a way that destabilizes the ladder; keep your belt buckle centered between the rails.
•Set up your ladder on a firm, level surface. With an extension ladder, the base should be one foot away from the wall for every four feet the ladder reaches up.
•Use your stepladder only in the open, A-shaped position and lock the spreaders.
•Don't step above the labeled maximum height. Beyond that point, the odds of an accident increase significantly.

Mowing the lawn. Lawn mower-related injuries treated in hospital emergency rooms totaled 86,000 in 2009. The most common injuries were caused by debris, such as rocks and branches, being thrown by the mower's spinning blades. Here’s what to do:

•Send the kids into the house or well away from the area you are mowing.
•Check the lawn for debris (twigs, rocks and other objects).
•Wear sturdy shoes with sure-grip soles, never sneakers, sandals or bare feet.
•Never refuel the mower when it is running or while the engine is hot.

Using power tools. Home power tools resulted in 83,204 emergency room admissions in 2009. The most common injuries involve cuts, especially to the fingers and hands. The Power Tool Institute recommends.

•Don’t wear loose clothing or jewelry that could become entangled in moving parts.
•Unplug the power cord before you change a part or do any trouble-shooting on a tool that is jammed or won't start.
•Wear safety glasses with side shields.

Working with paints and other chemicals. Accidents involving paints, solvents, lubricants and cleaning agents caused 53,907 emergency room admissions in 2009. Injuries often include chemical burns and breathing problems. Here’s how to avoid mishaps:

•Store and use pool chemicals according to the manufacturer’s directions.
•Gasoline is dangerous inside a home or garage—vapors can explode with just a tiny spark.
•Keep chemicals and cleansers in their original containers and don’t mix them.
•Wear gloves, goggles and masks if the product’s label says to do so.

Using a chain saw. Chain saw accidents sent 26,593 to the emergency room in 2009. Kickback—where the tip of the saw snaps up and back toward the user—is involved in one in four injuries. Cuts to hands, fingers, legs and feet are typical and usually require multiple stitches. Here’s how to stay safe.

•Wear eye and ear protection, gloves, tight-fitting clothing, cut-resistant leg chaps, boots, and a hard hat with a protective face screen.
•Grip the saw with both hands and keep both feet firmly on the ground.
•Saw only tree limbs you can reach from the ground while holding the saw below your shoulders.
•Avoid sawing with the tip of the chain and bar, where kickback typically occurs.

[Consumer Reports]

England Surprising World Leader In Letting Itself Go

I've never understood what there was to respect in the British way of life until now, but wow these guys are my IDOLS. Boozing it up and who gives a shit baby...yeeeeehah! Who knew the Brits, with all their royalty and pretensions, were really trailer park rednecks at heart? It just goes to show, we're more alike than different.

What's so important about seeing your penis anyway? Not that big a deal. Drinking every day and not giving a rat's ass about a pushup, these guys know how to LIVE!

The research into the health of the nation’s men revealed that of those people, 43% hadn’t seen their penis in the last two years, without looking in a mirror or bending over, whilst 16% were unable to remember the last time they saw it.

From the research of 2,000 men it was easy to see why the health of British men was in such a poor state as:

30% of men surveyed admitted to drinking alcohol three times a week

One in ten admitted to boozing on a daily basis

21% claimed they rarely pay attention to what they eat - that figure rising to 29% amongst 35-44 year old men

One in ten men never exercise

[uk.prweb.com]

Shit Sandwich

If you thought sea urchin sushi was nasty, wait until you sink your teeth into this.

This is a poopburger. As in, made from shit. I'm not even kidding, the Japanese extracted protein from human poop, mixed it with soya, added steak sauce and called it hamburger patties.

[...]

[Japanese scientist] Mitsyuki Ikeda, to his credit, created these poop burgers in an effort to be resourceful and recycle human waste. He realized if he could use "sewage mud", which is poop (you know you're in trouble when the euphemism of a word is just as bad as the word itself) and is everywhere, to formulate his burgers he could be completely efficient. Right now the burgers cost 10-20 times of regular meat because it factors in his research costs, the price will drop if there's enough demand.

[Gizmodo]

TSA Agents Keep Airports Safe From Lawbreakers

Somebody should tell these heroes that talking on cellphones is bad for their health.

[Anorak]

Eagles Join In Fruitless Quest To Save Human Race

First bees and now this. Do you see a theme people? Come on, this can't be a coincidence. First off, the eagles are unaware that the Post Office uses the eagle as a logo? You're kidding? Of COURSE they're aware. Why are they hunkering down near the Post Office? They think those people are their FRIENDS!

And they are trying to warn us! Like the bees. Remember the story about the birds and the bees? Well THIS IS IT MAN! This is it. When the birds and the bees get together, the lions lie down with the lambs and shit like that. All kinds of crazy things happen. The eagles realize without us humans, there will be no one to elevate them to greatness. They will be just one of many birds on a hopeless quest for recognition in a wasted landscape of death and destruction.

What will it take to wake up America? By the time people react and realize what is happening there will be a zombie in every pot and a chicken in every garage. TOO LATE!!!! It's time for you to get the 411 on the 911 that's coming up around 1 tomorrow. Stock up on canned food and grits. This isn't some religious kook giving you a doomsday deadline. I'm giving you a more open ended deadline. So when the end comes, whenever it is, you'll have to say "he knew, that Daily Downers guy, he was right." And I'll be dead. Man that will be great, to be so dead and yet so right.

A pair of bald eagles nesting near the Post Office in Dutch Harbor, Alaska, has taken to dive-bombing customers, in one case drawing blood, authorities said on Tuesday.

The eagles are raising newly hatched chicks for the second consecutive year in a nest on a bluff by the post office.

And for the second consecutive year, they have been trying to chase off people -- apparently unaware that the Postal Service uses a stylized eagle as its logo.

Two people were attacked last week, and one of the eagles swooped down on a patron on Monday, Alaska State Wildlife Troopers spokesman Sergeant Robin Morrisett said.

One of the eagles managed to scratch up its victim, said Morrisett, who is based on Unalaska Island. "I guess it actually drew blood," he said.

Authorities have posted signs and advised people to be careful about their surroundings, but there are no plans to move the nests or fight back against the eagles, he said.

[Reuters]

Bees Attempt To Warn Us Of Impending Doom - Human Race Considers This A Nuisance

I was lost at sea for a few days and unable to post. Thank goodness I weathered that storm. As soon as I get back I see this, yet another instance of the animal kingdom engaging in a futile attempt to alert the human race to impending doom.

Everyone knows that bees are really smart. Especially a whole swarm of them. Each individual bee may not be that bright, but the swarm as a whole has a brain to rival Einstein. So here they are, trying to alert us and we're just concerned about REMOVING them. If the bees ATTACKED, we would probably make up some story about "Africanized" Killer Bees finally getting up north, but the truth is, they would be trying to sting us into reality and awareness of the plague to come!

I say we bring in some of the talking dogs to communicate with them? Since we obviously can't understand their bee language? Maybe dolphins could help. Overall I get the message. Palin/Trump in the White House, zombie apocalypse helped by talking dogs, Chinese world domination. Do you think it's any kind of coincidence that the bees are in CHINATOWN? Come on. The signs are there. You just have to be open to seeing them.

A Chinatown street was abuzz Monday with news of a strange sort - thousands of bees descended on a block and forced the NYPD to divert traffic.

The swarm of some 15,000 bees was finally captured by an NYPD beekeeper around 5 p.m. after it perched on a streetlight. The incident took place on Mott St. between Bayard and Pell streets.

It is the latest in a spate of bee swarms to visit the city.

Two weeks ago, some bees swarmed a mailbox on Grand Street in Little Italy, DNAinfo reports. And a few days later, another swarm buzzed around a fire escape in Washington Heights.

[New York Daily News]

Machines Continue to Defeat Humans With Ease

Wondering why you're still unemployed while corporate America reaps record breaking profits? One reason is that instead of spending on workers, companies "are snatching up cheap, tax-subsidized tractors, computers and other goods."

"You don't have to train machines," as the poor, put-upon businessman quoted below keenly observes.

The Captain would like to note that you also don't have to drug-test job applicants, an onerous burden the businessman cites as one of many reasons he's loath to hire people instead of just buying more machines.

Workers are getting more expensive while equipment is getting cheaper, and the combination is encouraging companies to spend on machines rather than people.

“I want to have as few people touching our products as possible,” said Dan Mishek, managing director of Vista Technologies in Vadnais Heights, Minn. “Everything should be as automated as it can be. We just can’t afford to compete with countries like China on labor costs, especially when workers are getting even more expensive.”

[...]

“Firms are just responding to incentives,” said Dean Maki, chief United States economist at Barclays Capital. “And capital has gotten much cheaper relative to labor.”

[...]

Corporate profits, meanwhile, are at record highs, and companies are hoarding cash. Many of the companies that are considering hiring say they are scared off by the uncertain future costs of health care and other benefits. But with the blessings of their accountants, these same companies are snatching up cheap, tax-subsidized tractors, computers and other goods.

[...]

Hiring has some hidden costs, as well as the expenses of salary and benefits, Mr. Mishek added.

“I dread the process we have to go through when we want to bring somebody on,” he said. “When we have a job posting these days, we get a flurry of résumés from people who aren’t qualified at all: people with misspellings on their résumés, who have never been in the industry and want a career move from real estate or something. It’s a huge distraction to sort through all those.”

Culling the résumés takes three days. Then he must make time to interview applicants, and spend $150 for each drug test.

Once a worker is hired, that person must complete a federally mandated safety program, which Vista pays an outside contractor a flat fee of $7,000 annually to handle. Finally, Vista’s best employees spend several months training the new hire, reducing their own productivity.

“You don’t have to train machines,” Mr. Mishek observes.

[NYT]

Pick the Proper Place to Pee or Risk Impalement

"Don't piss into the wind" is sound advice for men. For most women, however, the danger of soiling oneself by choosing the wrong direction in which to urinate isn't a major concern. That doesn't mean, however, that outdoor bladder relief isn't fraught with danger for the fairer sex.

A WOMAN who impaled herself on a picket fence when she fell while urinating from an unprotected veranda has sued her former fiance for substantial damages.

In a Supreme Court writ, Michelle Egglestone of South Ballarat claims that the veranda at the house in Smythes Creek was constructed without any or with inadequate ballustrading and this caused her to fall a small distance to the star picket fence below.

Ms Egglestone, 35, sustained "penetrative injuries to the rectum, vagina and bladder necessitating surgical treatment involving laparotomy, repair of the bladder, repair of the vault of the vagina and colostomy", according to her statement of claim.

"The plaintiff sustained injury at the premises whilst she was urinating from the veranda which was inadequately lit," it says.

She had sued Leslie Furness, saying that he failed to ensure the veranda complied with the building codes, failed to ensure the star pickets underneath had protective capping to minimise the risk of anyone "coming into contact with them".

[News.com.au]

Don't Drink and Walk

Next time you're three sheets to the wind shitfaced, do the sensible thing and drive yourself home.



[The Sun]

Twitter Mind Control Leaves Freaked Out Victims Wondering What Happened

I was reading about how this was the work of hackers. A Congressman who is married is sending pictures of his crotch around on Twitter.

This doesn't surprise me. I think Twitter shoots out waves that turn your brain into self immolating mush. You might as well be a zombie. Twitter controls you and makes you do humiliating things to generate more of those infernal Tweets. It's a self perpetuating nightmare like the Body Snatchers. I wish I was at this press conference. When he said, "I've done nothing wrong" I would have asked him "THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE?" Personally I have not sent unsolicited crotch shots around and if there's nothing WRONG with it, I say it is at least in bad taste. On an unsolicited basis of course.

Mind control. You think it can't happen to you? Think again. The Army has been experimenting on this shit for years. Weiner is simply the latest casualty. Someone had this guy on their list and that's that. Once they are against you, it's all over, and you become a totally helpless machine, bent on destroying yourself and all those who were foolish enough to support you, Crotch Picture Sending Man.

A tearful Rep. Anthony Weiner on Monday admitted sending a lewd photo of his underwear-clad crotch to a young woman over Twitter and then lying repeatedly to protect himself. In a flash of defiance, Weiner refused to resign even as Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi called for a House ethics investigation into whether he broke the rules.

The extraordinary confession at a packed Manhattan news conference was a remarkable turn of events for the brash Weiner, who conceded to a "hugely regrettable" lapse in judgment. House Democratic leaders tersely expressed disappointment and embarrassment, reflecting an erosion of support for the 46-year-old New York congressman and casting doubts on whether Weiner could hold onto his House seat let alone turn a once-promising political career into a 2013 bid for mayor.

Weiner insisted he had done nothing wrong and said he would fully cooperate with a House inquiry.

"People who draw conclusions about me are free to do so," Weiner said. "I've worked for the people of my district for 13 years and in politics for 20 years and I hope they see fit to see this in the light that it is."

[Associated Press]

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, And Some Are Filled With Cash

This says a lot about our country. Guy is admitting he's totally full of it. But of course it's not against the law to be totally full of it. It may be WRONG to tell the American people that you are a devoted family man while you are banging your mistress, but it's not illegal. Makes Clinton look a little better. At least when he did it, it was on his own dime. If only he had thought of giving Monica a few hundred grand she might have sprung for some dry cleaning and Clinton could still be President today.

It makes me wonder, if Edwards really thought this was okay, why did they have to hide the money in boxes of chocolates and whatnot? Look at this dipshit Forrest Gump. You think HIS box of chocolates has $900,000 in it? Probably not. Traditionally, hiding means you're doing something wrong. That's why you hide it. So you would think in some recess of their brains they must've known it wasn't right.

My other question is, was this broad worth $900,000? That's the going rate? I guess if other people are picking up the tab, who cares, but that's a lot of scratch. And it seems like there are people that are pissed off that the government is even attempting to nail this guy. Of course the money was used to help Edwards politically. What would have happened if the guy didn't pay her off and hide her? Wouldn't that have hurt his IMAGE? His ability to really convey the total bullshit he was dishing out? You know what would have been cool? If Edwards came out and said, "hey, I got my mistress pregnant, but I'm supporting her. This shows I have character." And then people could have said, "hey, that's right. He's not some cad who bangs her silly and then ditches her when she gets in trouble. He really SHOULD be President." I wonder if they thought of this and discarded the idea, or if it just didn't occur to them.

On the other hand, maybe I'm nuts but I think it would have been great if the Kerry/Edwards ticket won and all of this played out in an even more public space. The American people may have been okay with it. Maybe Edwards should run again? He can run against Obama with the mistress as his running mate and maybe the Palin/Trump thing will still work out? I can dream, can't I?

In May 2007, as John Edwards endured ridicule for his $400 haircut, a wealthy supporter fired off a note to a campaign aide, vowing to privately pay for his hair care and other expenses important to his candidacy.

"It is a way to help our friend without government restrictions," Bunny Mellon wrote in a letter cited by federal prosecutors.

Investigators believe there should have been restrictions on the $925,000 in under-the-table money that Mellon and another benefactor ended up providing to support Edwards. It's key to the government's contention that the 2004 Democratic vice presidential nominee broke the law in hiding his pregnant mistress during the final months of his 2008 campaign for the White House.

Prosecutors contend that plan was an illegal conspiracy to evade campaign finance laws. A federal grand jury agreed, returning a six-count indictment of Edwards on Friday, accusing him of conspiracy, taking illegal campaign contributions and making false statements.

Edwards, 57, pleaded not guilty and was released without bail on the condition he surrender his passport and not leave the continental U.S.

"There's no question that I've done wrong. And I take full responsibility for having done wrong. And I will regret for the rest of my life the pain and the harm that I've caused to others," Edwards said outside the courthouse. "But I did not break the law, and I never, ever thought I was breaking the law."

The charges came after a two-year FBI investigation into the former North Carolina senator. Investigators narrowed the scope of their work to focus on money from two wealthy backers that went to keep Edwards' then-pregnant mistress, Rielle Hunter, in hiding at the height of his 2008 White House campaign.

In an aggressive and apparently novel application of the law, prosecutors said the money constituted campaign contributions because it was intended to protect Edwards' political career from ruin. They said the spending was illegal because Edwards should have reported it on his campaign finance filings and because it exceeded the $2,300-per-person limit on contributions.

Prosecutors said $725,000 from Mellon and $200,000 from Baron was used to pay for Hunter's living and medical expenses and for chartered airfare, luxury hotels and rental of a house in Santa Barbara, Calif., to keep her hidden from the public.

Mellon sent her money through her decorator, sometimes hidden in boxes of chocolates. On the memo lines of her checks, she listed items of furniture such as "chairs," "antique Charleston table" and "book case" to hide the true purpose, according to the indictment.

"A centerpiece of Edwards' candidacy was his public image as a devoted family man," the indictment said. "Edwards knew that public revelation of the affair and the pregnancy would destroy his candidacy by, among other things, undermining Edwards' presentation of himself as a family man and by forcing his campaign to divert personnel and resources away from other campaign activities to respond to criticism and media scrutiny regarding the affair and pregnancy."

[Associated Press]

To Protect And Serve

Exactly what kind of equipment would you need to swim out there and grab the guy? How about if three or four of these guys swam out there? If he was violent, it wouldn't be hard for a few guys to subdue him. And then DRUGS rear their evil head? What if he was on DRUGS? Hey maybe that would make it EASIER to subdue him? I'm usually not as good at fighting when I'm stoned, even though I may think I'm Bruce Lee.

So they could drive there, and stand there, but they couldn't DO anything? Why bother going? When they call and say "there's a guy drowning" they should just say "sorry" and hang up. What exactly is a "typical rescue?" Where the guy turns around and falls back into the policeman's arms? Makes it easy for them? Are they saying they can't swim? What do they need, inner tubes?

There were 75 people there? I was a lifeguard for a summer, and if someone was drowning, you swam out and got them. I didn't have any freakin' EQUIPMENT. I had my own two arms and legs and the will to do something to help out. How could they just stand there? It sounds like they lacked training as HUMAN BEINGS. Interesting that a mere "volunteer" could swim out there and drag the guy's corpse back in. That guy should be in charge from now on.

An apparently suicidal man waded into San Francisco Bay on Monday, stood up to his neck, and waited. As the man drowned, police, fire crews, and others watched idly from the shore.

Why? Officials blamed a departmental policy, stemming from budget cuts, that prevented them from jumping in to save him.

Fifty-year-old Raymond Zack spent nearly an hour in the water before drowning. A crowd of about 75 people, in addition to first responders, watched from the beach in Alameda across the bay from San Francisco as Zack inched farther and farther away, sometimes glancing back, a witness told the San Jose Mercury News. "The next thing he was floating face down."

A volunteer eventually pulled Zack's lifeless body from the Bay.

Mike D'Orazi of the Alameda Fire Department said that, due to 2009 budget cuts, his crews lacked the training and gear to enter the water. And a Coast Guard boat couldn't access the area because the water was too shallow.

"The incident yesterday was deeply regrettable," D'Orazi said Tuesday. "But I can also see it from our firefighters' perspective. They're standing there wanting to do something, but they are handcuffed by policy at that point."

Alameda Police Lt. Sean Lynch also suggested his men did the right thing. "He was engaged in a deliberate act of taking his own life," Lynch told the Mercury News. "We did not know whether he was violent, whether drugs were involved. It's not a situation of a typical rescue."

But at a City Council hearing Tuesday night, some locals expressed outrage that Zack was left to die. "This just strikes me as not just a problem with funding, but a problem with the culture of what's going on in our city, that no one would take the time and help this drowning man," said one resident, Adam Gillitt.

[yahoo! news]

Daily Downers Is Easily The Most Powerful Predictive Tool On The Web Today

As regular readers (all two of them) will note, I have been writing about this for months. And here it is! I thought it might be Trump running and Palin as Veep, but this would work too. Maybe Trump could do VP and his TV show at the same time? What the hell does a Vice President do anyway?

Palin has the right idea, but Trump is such a freakin' dunce that he brought his wife. My dream could still happen. Palin/Trump elected, then they divorce their spouses and marry each other and live in the White House as Mr. and Mrs. America. There's a picture with both of these idiots sitting there eating a slice of pizza with a fork! They are MADE for each other. Dumb and dumber.

Can you imagine a better administration to oversee America as we are overrun and obliterated by zombies and talking dogs? Come on! Daily Downers. This website is so TUNED IN it's actually FRIGHTENING. Tell all your friends! And stock up on canned goods and ammunition.

Sarah Palin's bus tour of patriotic sites rolled unexpectedly into New York Tuesday, when she went for a Times Square slice with fellow presidential flirt Donald Trump.

The meeting of the GOP's two flashiest and savviest media manipulators - both reality TV stars - caused a predictable press frenzy and sparked wild speculation about a Palin-Trump ticket.

"She didn't ask me (to run with her) but I'll tell you, she's a terrific woman," Trump said as he ushered Palin into a branch of Famous Famiglia pizza on Broadway at 50th St.

Palin chose the Albanian pizza chain that advertises itself as New York's favorite. They ordered a large pepperoni pie as out of towners lined up at the restaurant windows to snap photos.

"It's amazing," said owner Giorgio Kolaj. "You can't get more New York than that, Donald Trump ordering pizza here."

Palin, who said she will visit Ellis Island Wednesday was with her daughter and parents; Trump brought wife Melania.

As they walked out of the eatery, Palin explained: "Every time you go to New York, you gotta see Donald Trump. I approve of his independence. I told him, 'don't shy away from speaking out.'"

[NY Daily News]