Future Queen Sets Apocalypse Now In Motion By Refusing To Obey

There was a prophecy somewhere that if two possible future queens in a row refused to "obey" the future kings the whole world will fall apart. But I can't remember where I heard it. It might have been in a "Die Hard" movie.

I just think the whole monarchy stands on mindless tradition dating back to the days where they chopped your head off and that was it. So when they start meddling with it and these newfangled vow modifying ways I think it's a signal that the whole world is about to collapse.

Look at what could happen here. William could say, "hey Kate, I'm going out to play cards and go to a strip club with me mates" and Kate would say, "well, stuff it, if that's how it is, I'm going out with me girlfriend Shiela and we're gonna have at it with some bikers." I mean if this happens and world freedom is at stake simultaneously how can we depend on these dizzy inbred layabouts to get it together long enough to save us all?

So it's going to be Kate fails to obey, talking dogs, zombie apocalypse, Trump presidency, and finally the ultimate horror of Chinese world domination combined with all of the above. In that order.

Following in the footsteps of Princess Diana, bride-to-be Kate Middleton will exclude “obey” from her wedding vows to Prince William.

According to the Daily Mail, Middleton will instead fulfill the promise to “love, comfort, honour and keep” her spouse. Middleton, who will be the oldest royal bride in history, will take after the late Princess Diana, who bucked royal protocol when she married Prince Charles in 1981 by refusing to include “obey” in her vows. Diana, however, did not start a trend among royals. Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson and Countess of Wessex Sophie Rhys-Jones agreed to “obey” their respective royal husbands in 1986 and 1999.

Prince William and Middleton, who will tie the knot at Westminster Abbey on April 29, decided on a version of their vows weeks ago but have kept this aspect of their highly-publicized royal wedding a secret from the media.

Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams has applauded the couple for the “simple” direction they’ve taken with their ceremony.

“I’ve been very struck by the way in which William and Catherine have approached this great event,” the archbishop told the Daily Mirror. “They’ve thought through what they want for themselves, but also what they want to say. They have a very simple, very direct picture of what really matters about this event.”

[The Daily Caller]

Liberals: Not Very Good at Bumper Stickers

Conservatives deploy messages like "I'll Keep My Freedom, My Guns and My Money. You Can Keep the Change" and "My god can beat up your god" as weapons in the bumper sticker war of ideas. The Obama administration is tired of taking the beating, so they've developed this pithy laser to fire back at their adversaries:

“The project of the first two years has been to effectively deal with the legacy issues that we inherited, particularly the Iraq war, the Afghan war, and the war against Al Qaeda, while rebalancing our resources and our posture in the world,” Benjamin Rhodes, one of Obama’s deputy national-security advisers, said. “If you were to boil it all down to a bumper sticker, it’s ‘Wind down these two wars, reëstablish American standing and leadership in the world, and focus on a broader set of priorities, from Asia and the global economy to a nuclear-nonproliferation regime.’”

The umlaut in the word "reëstablish" is a nice Teutonic touch and helps remind voters who Obama's political heroes are.

[The New Yorker] via [Jonathan Chait]

Trump Extremely Proud To Be Completely Wrong

A few things of note here. This proves Trump has been completely wrong in questioning Obama's citizenship and related qualification to be President, above and beyond the fact that Obama was elected by a majority of Americans. And yet there is no apology for advancing this idiocy. He's glad to be rid of this issue? What's left for him to talk about? And look at him with this new makeover!

The real pearl though is the pledge to release his own financial and tax information, and this is what will stop the Trump train dead in its tracks. Any release of such information by Trump will expose him as a fake "billionaire" who is on TV...because he needs the money...and people believe his bullshit.

If there is a debate among a group of GOP candidates and the question is..."alright, whoever has run a few casinos into bankruptcy, raise your hand," Trump will be the only one raising his hand.

Then they could ask..."okay, who has bankrupted more than one publicly traded company?" And again Trump would be the only one raising his hand.

Finally they could ask..."right, who decided to build a third casino while the first two were going bankrupt?" There are quite a few questions like this (I can think of another 10 right now but my kids need a bath).

On the other hand, being proud while being wrong is probably going to be an extremely important quality for our next President so this will actually give him a short term boost. But no way in hell he runs and shows everyone that tax return that is missing the billions of dollars he is purported to have handy. Trump would rather be embarrassed by putting on this fake show of running to up his ratings than be embarrassed by the truth about his real financial status. Plus it's possible that Trump cannot be embarrased period. If he gets together with Palin, my dreams could still come true. Cross your fingers America.

Real estate mogul Donald Trump will honor a pledge to release his own financial and tax information if President Obama released his birth certificate "at the appropriate time," he told ABC News today.

"That's something I'd been thinking about doing anyway," he said of the recent challenge from ABC "Good Morning America" anchor George Stephanopoulos to release the personal information if Obama did the same.

A giddy Trump earlier in the day could barely wait to meet and greet the people of New Hampshire today, impressing upon a group of Portsmouth manufacturing workers the role he and his supporters believe he played in Obama's decision to release this morning his original, long-form birth certificate.

"Oh, by the way, I don't know if you heard? Did you hear?" Trump asked Wilcox Industries Corp. employees in reference to the birth records.

"I am so proud of myself. I got this guy to release his birth certificate. I'm really, really happy," Trump told the employees before a lunch-time New Hampshire Republican Party fundraiser in downtown Portsmouth.

Wilcox Industries makes night-vision goggles and other tactical products for the Pentagon.

Trump, 64, also condemned in the sharpest possible words Obama's fiscal policies and the country's economic competitiveness with China. "China is raping this country," he told the Wilcox employees.

But the "birther" issue was uppermost on Trump's mind when he touched down in New Hampshire earlier today in a helicopter bearing his name, immediately claiming credit for forcing Obama to release his birth certificate.

"I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully, getting rid of this issue," Trump told reporters, his helicopter sitting behind him at the Portsmouth airport.

He said he still wants to see the birth certificate, released while he was en route to New Hampshire, but now wants to talk about weightier issues such as oil prices.

[ABC News]

News Flash - Wealthy Celebrities Without Real Jobs Have Feelings Too

Here's another example of the world bringing a celebrity down for no good reason. I read that the Kardashian empire brought in $65 million last year, selling self-tanners, candles, clothes, perfume, and bottled water. Now you would think "man if I could get a taste of all that money for doing nothing that would be great."

Think again. Khloe's MOM is telling her she's fat and this is bringing the empire down. Now I will say this, Khloe is not FAT. The real issue, and this is probably what Momma K CAN'T say, is that Kim is totally hot and next to HER you look bad. But standing there by herself, whether she's your cup of tea or not, she's not exactly FAT. So that's just mean spirited, and you and I don't have to put up with that in our regular old boring ass jobs. The grass is not always greener.

It's funny that when you decide to put EVERYTHING out there, including your sex and baby planning, you can still be sensitive. It is kind of weird to see Khloe reacting to this, because if you're on TV or in the media 24 hours a day, you have to expect SOME negativity. It's not like everyone on Planet Earth is going to say "you look great and I hope you and Lamar both really get off good tonight and have a nice baby too." I mean there's jealousy, human nature, radiation all over Japan and lots of other struggles in the world, so I don't have THAT much time to worry about the Kardashians, but Khloe still needs to toughen up a bit and also she needs to accept that even if she dropped herself in a vat of acid and started from scratch she's still going to look like a guy next to Kim.

KHLOE Kardashian is fed up with the jibes about her weight! “I always get comments on my weight,” says Khloe. “[People want] me to be a [certain] size. I am a size six, and in the normal world, that is not fat—but to Hollywood, sometimes being a six is way too big. But when the world literally gets on you every single day and tells you, ‘You’re fat, you’re fat, you’re fat,’ eventually you are going to break and agree.”

“The reason why I blew up was because my mom told me that I am too fat and that I am ruining what we all worked for. We have a brand, QuickTrim and this and that—and that I am ruining all of the that single-handedly. To have that pressure and to have someone tell you that, I snap and I break down and I cry.

“My weight has been a struggle for me my entire life, and I know it will always be a struggle for me, but I try to be healthy, diet and exercise as best as I could. Everyone falls off every now and then, but I am trying to live a healthy life and do what is best for me.”

Recent reports claimed Khloe and her husband, sportsman Lamar Odom, have been syncing up their sex schedule in the hopes of speeding up the baby-making process.

“They’re scheduling time to be together when Khloe’s cycle is right, greatly increasing their chances of conceiving,” an insider told America’s Life & Style magazine.

“And her family has been pressuring her to get pregnant.”

[ShowBiz Spy]

Jealous World Never Tires Of Seeing Beautiful People Run Down

It's unreal, how you can't just be yourself. The machine gets ahold of you, and that's it. Just like "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." The Combine. I hope her lawyer can win this one on appeal. Look at her! Why would she steal the necklace? The owners probably just forgot that they agreed she could have it. So stupid.

Envy is a sin. Everybody knows that. It's in the Bible. For Easter, I just hope that Lindsay can rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes...like...you know who! Alright? If she's going to have to keep going to jail at least let's get a show or a movie out of it. A new sequel in the "Penitentiary" series is due!

The first step of recovery is acceptance.

Hollywood trainwreck Lindsay Lohan is frustrated about being sentenced to 120 days in the slammer but is prepared to pay the price, pals say.

"She is ready to do her time," friend Nathan Folks told People. "She wants to go to A.A. and N.A. and to serve [more than] 400 hours [of community service]. She has already been doing lots of charity work."

Another pal told TMZ.com that the deeply troubled starlet was "blindsided" by a judge's decision Friday to send her to jail and do 480 hours of community service for violating her probation.

Lohan's fourth trip to jail was postponed after her lawyer appealed the decision.

The "Herbie Fully Loaded" star landed back in hot water after being accused of walking out of a Los Angeles jewelry shop with a $2,500 necklace she hadn't paid for.

Lohan insists that she thought the store's owners agreed to loan her the necklace.

[NY Daily News]

Possible Lack Of Hell Continues To Cause Uproar Among True Believers And Others

Game theorists. Is that a real job? "I'm a game theorist." Seems incredible to me. I think religious belief, like many things, may evolve over time. But really this particular thing is messing with the brand a little too much for my taste.

For one thing, hell is kind of COOL. Hell has inspired some great art. You have to look no further than a local tattoo parlor to see how cool hell is. I was so close to getting a tattoo the other day, it was a naked woman with horns and flames coming out of her mouth, like a dragon. Man. I might go back and get one like this picture up here. That's what you'd expect to see in hell. And you wouldn't mind seeing it for a day!

In a way the Christian religion is set up like this already, because apparently you can live your life the way you want and fuck everybody over, but at the last minute the priest can come to your bed and you say "I believe in Jesus" and the priest says "okay, you're in" and that's it. So I don't know how much of a difference hell makes for Christians anyway, unless they die by surprise and a priest is not around.

There are other great things about this article, especially how much thought they are bringing to bear on something that is essentially un-knowable for mankind. And how they are trying to make the whole thing into a business analogy, so it has nothing to do with any kind of sincere belief, but cold calculation, like a man trying to decide whether to take a hit on a hand of blackjack. Religion has always been making something up to explain what no one can ever know. That's the whole fun of it. Some good stories and pictures. If only some people didn't get so carried away.

There are more reasons than mere theology why Evangelical Christian leaders are raising Cain over the message now being wholesaled by the Rev. Rob Bell of Mars Hill Bible Church, featured in TIME's current cover story, "What If There's No Hell?" Bell's I'm-O.K.-you're-O.K., we're-not-going-to-hell-today spin is not merely a refutation of a basic belief. If this piece of theological reordering takes hold, it's the Evangelicals' business plan that's going to hell.

Fire and brimstone has been one of the Evangelicals' main product lines. It's based on a zero-sum outcome: heaven or hell. Believe or perish. And part of the deal, at least in practical application, is that you can't get spiritually right without monetarily supporting the church. Pay to play, in other words. It's the same with most religions. No one says so in those crude terms - it's all about the mission - but a sales pitch is a sales pitch, even one accompanied by a choir. You can't build the Crystal Cathedral on prayer alone. There's a mortgage to pay.

And contributing money is a perfectly reasonable investment for the faithful. You may not be able to pay your way into heaven (sorry hedge funders), but you can help build the pathway on earth. Corporations like to measure return on equity, usually expressed as ROE. But you could say that church donations offer a different kind of ROE: return on eternity. And they're tax deductible to boot.

But what happens if Bell is right? Is it possible that the return on eternity on these contributions has dropped compared with other spiritual investments? For instance, maybe there's a bigger ROE in giving to the poor or volunteering for Habitat for Humanity. Tithing your church may be too much of an investment risk if the returns are less certain.

French mathematician Blaise Pascal famously pondered ROE in the spiritual-investment quandary called Pascal's Wager. It's an exercise in game theory. A rationalist, Pascal thought about how he might bet against God's very existence and behave accordingly: more rosÉ, fewer rosaries. But he also knew that had he pursued a hedonistic lifestyle and God existed, a negative outcome would ensue. And he'd be totally, eternally screwed. Better to believe, he reasoned. In Pascal's logic, the rational spiritual investor becomes risk averse and spends a big chunk of the portfolio with God. Pascal, in other words, recommended that you hedge your spiritual investment.

Preacher Bell is now positing that the endgame is different. If, in mathematical terms, you assign a zero probability that hell exists, then the rational spiritual investor reduces his exposure, since the expected ROE has been declined. "What do you give up?" asks Yale University professor Keith Chen, a game-theory expert. What's relevant in game theory is the difference between the good and bad outcomes. "If the idea is everybody goes to heaven and everybody enjoys the same privileges, then it unwinds Pascal's Wager," he says.

But both Chen and another game theorist at Yale, Barry Nalebuff, immediately posed another possibility: Is there a nonhell that's still not heaven? (Bell even suggests as much.) If there is heaven and a not-so-good nonhell, there's still a wager, although the spiritual investor might adjust it. Say, by moving it to a church like Bell's. Says Nalebuff: "The trick is, what's the cost of leaving? In my view he brings down the cost of leaving." In this view, Pascal's Wager is more like playing the lottery, says Nalebuff. If you win, heaven is the prize. If you don't, it's just a couple of spiritual bucks lost.

The adverse reaction to Bell's hell among some Evangelical leaders is based first on deeply held belief, not economic consequences. But it should really put the fear of God in their accountants. There are plenty of other reasons to invest in your church other than buying eternity insurance. There's the spiritual fulfillment that faith can bring, the sense of community, the built-in support group for when you need it most. Even those awful church suppers. But these are not the zero-sum, repent-or-burn outcomes that have underwritten the business so effectively over the years. Indeed, there's no hell to pay anymore.

[TIME]

Texas Governor Orders Texans to Perform Statewide Raindance

While it is commonplace for supporters of New York's National League baseball team to pray for rain in the rare instances their favorite team has a lead after 5 innings, the Captain is surprised to see the governor of Texas sinking to the level of hopeless Mets fans.

Texas is so parched that Gov. Rick Perry has taken an unusual step: He’s ordered up, by proclamation, a weekend of prayer.

“WHEREAS, the state of Texas is in the midst of an exceptional drought, with some parts of the state receiving no significant rainfall for almost three months, matching rainfall deficit records dating back to the 1930s,” the proclamation begins.

It concludes by proclaiming “the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal and robust way of life.”

[Washington Wire]

Spoons Get in Your Eyes

Apparently this uncle didn't cry "uncle!" in time to stop his spoon-wielding nephew. Now he'll never cry again.

MOBILE, Alabama -- A judge denied bail today for a Prichard man accused of gouging out his uncle’s eyeballs with a spoon.

Timayo Knight, 31, appeared briefly before District Judge Michael McMaken, who refused to set a bail.

[...]

Prichard police were called to the 300 block of Bronner Street on Monday evening and found 79-year-old Bonnie Pogue bleeding from his face. Investigators later found Pogue’s eyeballs in a trashcan and a bloody spoon on a kitchen counter, according to police, and Knight was still inside the house.

[...]

Assistant District Attorney Jo Beth Murphree said Knight lived at the house with his uncle, and there was no evidence that Knight was using illegal drugs at the time.

The Captain thinks it's fair to infer that if Mr. Knight had been using illegal drugs at the time, this heinous crime could have been prevented.

[AL.com]

Jealous Network Bigwigs Question Trump Presidential Run

This is getting ugly now. Donald Trump's candidacy is a "stunt?" He's out in front! If the primaries were held today we'd be looking at the Trump/Palin ticket all the way.

He thinks he is presidential. What does that mean exactly? There are times I feel presidential and then there are times I don't.

Trump is going to announce the date he's going to announce whether he's running or not soon. And that's that. I think it's going to be great either way. He will either say "no, I'm not running," and look like a douchebag, or he will run and that will be blog heaven for us all.

Think Donald Trump's proposed presidential run is nothing more than a stunt?

So does NBC, home of the real estate mogul's hit show "Celebrity Apprentice."

An executive at the network told Entertainment Weekly on Tuesday that no one is falling for Trump's much-rumored 2012 campaign.

"We at the network have no idea whether Trump is serious about [running for president] or not," the executive, who asked to remain anonymous, told EW. "He won't tell even us - and we haven't pushed because we've just decided it is whatever it is. If he wants to spout off about things, we're happy to let him. But our inclination is that he's not serious about running for president. We think it's a stunt."

Trump has refused to say whether he will actually throw his hat into the ring as a Republican candidate next year, but his repeated hints about a possible campaign catapulted him into the lead in a recent poll of GOP primary candidates. The billionaire is expected to announce on the May 22 season finale of "Apprentice" the specific date when he will finally reveal whether or not he is running for office.

Television insiders believe Trump continues to fuel rumors of his presidential run to drive up ratings of his reality show.

Ratings for "Apprentice" are up as much as 20% this season, according to EW, and the show has nearly doubled its numbers from last season, now averaging almost 8 millions viewers an episode.

Trump, who has said the country can expect his decision by early June, told NBC he won't be signing a 3-year extension on the reality series until he officially decides his political future – which he remains optimistic about.

"I think I am presidential," he said on Tuesday's "Today" show.

[NY Daily News]

Obama Birth Mystery Solved As GOP Reveals His Parents Were Chimps

Now this is a good one. The explanation and apology are actually better than the original email. This Davenport lady is saying that sending this photo is not meant to “intentionally harm or berate others?” You’re saying the President of the United States is a fucking chimp, no? That's not "berating" the guy? I'd hate to see what she would do if she WAS berating him.

Then Davenport “simply found it amusing” regarding Obama’s character and “all the questions surrounding his origin of birth.” So Obama’s character is chimp-like? I would love to ask this woman some questions. What specific attributes are there in Obama’s character that remind you of chimps you have observed? And those pesky questions about his “origin of birth.” I didn’t realize these questions revolved around his parents actually being apes? I thought it was about the LOCATION of his birth. I also love how it doesn't occur to her that Obama was actually elected President and a lot of people voted for him, so how would THEY feel about seeing him portrayed as a chimp? That's a POSITIVE image, right? I love how the person that wrote this article has no problem saying flat out, "the racist email." There are some people that understand these things.

Finally, as classic apologies go this is kind of weak as the woman really believes she’s being picked on and a few jerks are turning this into a race thing. And she’s going to get even (HUNT DOWN!) with the person that forwarded it, exposing her to ridicule as a complete idiot. The problem isn't that she wrote the email in the first place, the problem is that some "coward" let the rest of the world in on it. That’s the main thing. And since she’s determined that Obama is only “half black” this OBVIOUSLY is not about race. If he was 100% black forget about it.

Isn't that what this is ultimately all about? They can't say "I don't like Obama because he's black," so they have to say something else? I'd have to say sending around a photo of him as a baby chimp is pretty close to saying "I don't like him because he's black," but it's not EXACTLY the same. The baby chimp photo thing is a little more creative, but the connection is definitely there. Let me know if I'm wrong on this.

This is the level of political "debate" in this country. This picture right here. "He's a CHIMP, get it? Har har har." Politicians will never learn. You can’t have fun once you’re elected. You have to keep a lid on this kind of thing. But it’s hard because that PhotoShop is just INCREDIBLE!

The California Republican who e-mailed a racist "family photo" of President Obama because she thought it was funny offered up a second, less defiant apology Monday.

Marilyn Davenport did not say sorry not in person, but through a statement read to the Orange County Republican Central Committee by fellow member Tim Whitacre. Davenport said she didn't show up at the committee meeting because she feared for her life.

"To my fellow Americans and to everyone else who has seen this e-mail I forwarded and was offended by my action, I humbly apologize and ask for your forgiveness of my unwise behavior," the 74-year-old wrote.

"I say unwise because at the time I received and forwarded the e-mail, I didn't stop to think about the historic implications and other examples of how this could be offensive," Davenport said.

"I would never do anything to intentionally harm or berate others regardless of ethnicity," she said in her apology. "Everyone who knows me knows that to be true."

The racist e-mail, which the elected GOP official sent out to dozens of friends and fellow Republicans on Friday, featured Obama as a baby chimpanzee with two chimpanzee parents.

Davenport stated Saturday she would "NOT resign." Her second apology made no mention of whether she would stay or go.

Not everyone on the Republican committee feels she should step down.
"It was a private e-mail from her private house to some private friends," Whitacre told ABC 7 News in Los Angeles. "She thought she was doing something quietly among some folks that might have found some humor in it as well."

State law prevents Davenport from being forcibly removed from her elected post.

The more humble tone in her second mea culpa comes in stark contrast to her half-hearted apology on Saturday.

Davenport told the Orange Country Weekly that she was "sorry if my email offended anyone," but that she "simply found it amusing regarding the character of Obama and all the questions surrounding his origin of birth."

"The thought never entered my mind until one or two other people tried to make this about race," she wrote in her Saturday e-mail, and referred to Obama as being only "half black."

Davenport then accused the media of "making much ado about nothing," and indicated she would hunt down the "cowardly" person who leaked the contents of the e-mail.

[NY Daily News]

American Parents No Longer Responsible For Teaching Basic Things In Life

No more Happy Meals? You're kidding! Come on. McDonald's "unfairly uses toys?" Everyone unfairly uses toys to get kids to do what they want. This is just unbelievable.

It's a big downer trend that parents seem unable to parent. If we as a society are expecting corporations to watch out for our kids and sports stars to be role models we are in bad shape. My child rearing is based on telling my kids the truth. Everybody is out to screw you and you better watch out. And those clowns on TV could give a shit about you.

Your kid asks you for a Happy Meal, you can go, but you can't go every freakin' day! That's all. What's so hard about that? These people are pathetic. Leave Ronnie McD alone! God knows I have needed Macky D's on many late nights and I am grateful that I live in a country where I can straighten myself out and chow down in friendly parking lots from Philly all the way to LA. Macky D's is about more than kids, and this will hurt their ability to serve the rest of America, so these guys need to back the f*** up.

Will America heed my wake up call?!? And start parenting again? I doubt it. Bastards.

A lawsuit that seeks to stop McDonald's from selling Happy Meals must be dismissed because parents can always prohibit their children from eating them, the hamburger giant said in a court filing.

The lawsuit claims McDonald's unfairly uses toys to lure children into its restaurants. The plaintiff, Monet Parham, a Sacramento, Calif. mother of two, claims the company's advertising violates California consumer protection laws.

The Happy Meal has been a huge hit for McDonald's -- making the company one of the world's largest toy distributors -- and spawning me-too offerings at most other fast-food chains.

But lately it also has come under fire from public health officials, parents and lawmakers who are frustrated with rising childhood obesity rates and weak anti-obesity efforts from restaurant operators, which are largely self-regulated.

[Reuters]

Mad Scramble For The Poor As The Rich Continue To Coast

Now these are the "super rich." Not the average rich. The super ones. They make so much money and pay no taxes. Do they not drive the same roads? Do they not cross the same bridges? Do they not ponder the same mysteries of life? It makes you wonder if everything is set up fair and square.

If I'm reading this right, the super rich are paying 17% tax now, and they were paying 26% about 20 years ago. How did that happen? Why are they paying less? I could see them paying the SAME, but why LESS? What's going on? Marvin Gaye sang that song. Peoples.

Well I still have not filed so good luck to all of you as the slide continues... Weeeehah!

As millions of procrastinators scramble to meet Monday's tax filing deadline, ponder this: The super rich pay a lot less taxes than they did a couple of decades ago, and nearly half of U.S. households pay no income taxes at all.

The Internal Revenue Service tracks the tax returns with the 400 highest adjusted gross incomes each year. The average income on those returns in 2007, the latest year for IRS data, was nearly $345 million. Their average federal income tax rate was 17 percent, down from 26 percent in 1992.

Over the same period, the average federal income tax rate for all taxpayers declined to 9.3 percent from 9.9 percent.

The top income tax rate is 35 percent, so how can people who make so much pay so little in taxes? The nation's tax laws are packed with breaks for people at every income level. There are breaks for having children, paying a mortgage, going to college, and even for paying other taxes. Plus, the top rate on capital gains is only 15 percent.

There are so many breaks that 45 percent of U.S. households will pay no federal income tax for 2010, according to estimates by the Tax Policy Center, a Washington think tank.

[Associated Press]

Trump Builds Presidential Bid On Solid Support From "The Blacks"

I'm a little behind on this story from Thursday but there's a good reason for that. It's because the Trump bid for President is starting to barrel along like a runaway freight train and I can't catch up! I understand Trump is the LEADING candidate among Republican hopefuls. Is that unpossible or what?

Since my dream of a Trump/Palin ticket may come true, I'm moving onto my next dream, where Trump and Palin divorce their respective spouses after winning the election and marry each other! So for the first time in history a married couple will live in the White House as President and Vice President of the United States. How AWESOME would that be? For a country that like to say "awesome" a lot! You'd have to invent a new word to describe "awesome" if that happened.

Among "the blacks" that I know, Trump is indeed THE MAN. I got a picture up here to prove it. The blacks worship Trump. Forget hip hop. A lot of black churches in New York have his picture on the wall next to Jesus. That's the problem with the mainstream media. If you read that crap, you would never imagine how solid the Trump/blacks bond is. So I'm glad that this information is finally coming out to the general public. When James Brown used to say he was "Soul Brother #1," who did you think was "Soul Brother #2?" Donald Fucking Trump baby. Can you dig it? Number two. Whoop, there it is!

Donald Trump unleashed more withering scorn for President Obama Thursday - but insisted it had nothing to do with race because he has a "great relationship with the blacks."

Trump said he was dismayed by Obama's strong support within the African-American community.

"I know many Obama supporters," Trump said on Albany's Talk 1300 radio. "I have a great relationship with the blacks but unfortunately the poll numbers that you cite are very, very frightening numbers."

Trump also said that he loves the Tea Party and would want to run for President on the Republican ticket, but had unabashed praise for newly-elected Democratic Gov. Andrew Cuomo.

"I think he is doing terrific job, setting a great example. He's doing it with style and with class and I'm very proud of him."

Trump's threat of a presidential run has been largely built around him loudly trumpeting discredited theories about Obama's origins, but he appears to be trying to broaden his message.

"I look at the country. It's never been worse. It's run at a level that I've never seen anything like it. This is Jimmy Carter-esqe. I'm very seriously considering running and I'll make my decision sometime prior to June," he said.

Trump said he was looking forward to speaking at a Tea Party rally in Florida this weekend and said the rise of the group was a great thing for America.

"I'm big fan of the Tea Party because I really think they've provided a great service. It made people understand what is going on. It made people open their eyes," he said.

[NY Daily News]

Hottest Porn Ever!

Burning with desire has its drawbacks.

SAN FRANCISCO (CBS 5) — A man was hospitalized Wednesday evening with life-threatening, third-degree burns after somehow catching fire inside a San Francisco porn store, authorities told CBS 5.

[...]

Police officers across the street from the porn shop saw a man run out the front door of the store “engulfed in flames,” SFPD Lt. Troy Dangerfield said.

[...]

Arson investigators said it was not exactly clear how the man caught fire. Police indicated he had apparently been watching videos in a private booth at the adult arcade when the fire ignited.

The man, whose name has not been released, was being treated at St. Francis Memorial Hospital for severe burns over 90% of his body.

[CBS San Francisco]

Sometimes the Key to Life is a Key to the Front Door

At least this woman was on the ball enough to remember her cellphone even though she forgot her keys. Too bad she didn't use it to call a locksmith.

LEBANON – Just minutes before Esther Kline became wedged in a narrow basement window Tuesday and died, she sent her husband a text: “I wish the spare key was here.”

[...]

A combination of unlikely circumstances led to the 44-year-old woman’s death.

A larger basement window Kline had climbed through when she was locked out a previous time had been covered over by the extension of a deck and the addition of a bathroom downstairs.

A spare key usually hidden in the garage was no longer in its place. A relative hadn’t returned it from a month ago.

Neighbors would not have heard Kline’s cries for help. A six-foot privacy fence surrounds the back yard.

[...]

Kline’s husband, David, reported the discovery of her body about 6 p.m. Tuesday after he returned home from a two-day business trip for his job with the federal government.

He told police that he responded to his wife’s 8:20 a.m. text about a half hour later but never received a reply. That leads police to believe that she died soon after she sent her last text.

[Cincinnati.com]