So Sad About Us

Cynical people will make fun of this, but it's sad. Maybe since Kris Humphries does not believe in divorce it won't happen. Apparently he also doesn't believe in really thinking things through if you read the rest of this. He thought she would just give up her lifestyle to hang out with him and have kids. That's sweet. Also means he's dumb but he's an athlete and not a physicist.

So now they will get divorced and in addition to his overblown salary and her rapidly expanding fortune they will have to fall back on what they have and split up the $40 million this sham marriage generated in TV dough. Think about the equation between talent and accomplishment and the rewards these two have reaped. Is the relationship between talent + accomplishment and rewards an INVERSE relationship? Where less = more. Greater minds than mine will have to figure it out.

But still, divorce is always a downer. And you have to wonder who can really handle this broad? Look at the way she's looking at her own ass in this picture. Come on. Brains AND beauty. If that ass was on MY bee-hind I'd be looking at it too! Is there a man out there that's up for the job? She's still looking for the real thing.

Kris Humphries was surprised to learn that his wife, Kim Kardashian, had filed for divorce today, just 72 days after they exchanged the words "I do" in front of 440 guests.

"I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce," he said in a statement to People, after Kardashian's divorce paperwork was rumored earlier today and later confirmed by Kardashian herself.

Humphries had told several friends that he does not believe in divorce, reports say. Now, he confirmed that he does not seeing splitting as the best option. "I'm committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents," he said. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it work."

Humphries had apparently hoped that Kardashian's ambitions of fame would ebb and that she would move to the Midwest with him to start a family. "How am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?" Kardashian said as the two discussed this in a recently-released teaser preview for the second season of "Kourtney & Kim Take New York."

"Baby, by the time you have kids and they're in school, nobody will probably care about you," he responded. It was just another sign that the couple was far from on the same page.

[NY Post]

Pick Your Poison

Which would you prefer, zombies or Godzilla? I was watching the original "Godzilla" movie and it just made me think, I would MUCH rather face Godzilla than an army of zombies. No contest. Am I wrong? Let us know.

Look at this guy. Roland Emmerich. He's ready to make a mint off of this, and I suspect he doesn't have the slightest understanding of the gravity of what he is involved in.

Zombies are about THE WHOLE WORLD falling apart. Godzilla, I mean, how much ground would he cover? Not even an apocalypse really. Godzilla would be more of a local problem.

But some people might be more afraid of Godzilla. I don't know. This is kind of an "open ended" post where we need you guys to finish it off. Thanks.

With a filmography chockfull of cataclysmic event flicks (2012, The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla, Independence Day), Roland Emmerich has never been known for subtlety. While the historical drama Anonymous, about whether it was actually William Shakespeare who wrote all of Shakespeare's plays, may seem like a gentle new direction for the German filmmaker, it treats authorship with a degree of explosiveness that would make Michael Bay blush. We spoke with Emmerich about why he thinks Shakespeare was a fraud, preferring epic movies to small stories, and his plans for the end of the world.

You've said you believe that Shakespeare was a fraud. What's the most compelling piece of evidence?
There are so many. One, for example: Never ever was one letter found by this man. And you have to ask yourself: A writer who wrote 36 plays would have written at least a note to his wife home in Stratford and said, "How are the kids, babe? What's going on?" Or let her know that his life is going well in Southwark: "I just sold a play to somebody." You know? Another [piece of] evidence for me is, okay, his father was illiterate. So were his two daughters. That's very strange for a writer. Who comes from illiterate parents, went to school, became a learned man — one of the most learned men ever, a true renaissance man — and he doesn't want his kids to read his work? It's quite ridiculous, actually.

You're known for epic films. What do you love about maximalism?
Well, I like big ideas. That's probably what combines Anonymous with my other films. You know, "What if Shakespeare was a fraud?" Or, "What would happen if finally, in one big storm, we get the bill for all the bad things we've done to the environment?" Or, "Godzilla comes to New York." All big ideas, in a way, and you can say them in one sentence. And because of that, they catch me, and I know that's worth a movie, because in a movie, you need something like that. At the end, you have to have a poster and a short 15- or 30-second TV spot, so that's that.

[nymag.com]

Fun Gone Wrong

This is why "family time" is overrated. I care about Monopoly as much as the next guy, but this seems a little excessive. Plus I can't imagine STABBING someone. That is way too personal. SHOOTING someone, yes. Stabbing, no.

This is why the Constitution gives us the right to bear arms. To defend yourself in a situation like this. Even if you ARE cheating at Monopoly, which is pretty low.

Laura Chavez, 60, of Santa Fe, N.M., is accused of repeatedly stabbing her boyfriend, Clyde “Butch” Smith, 48, when a family game of Monopoly went terribly awry.

Chavez began to argue with Smith while playing the board game with her 10-year-old grandson. The boy told police that Chavez accused Smith of cheating at Monopoly, and then sent the boy to bed around 11 p.m. mid-argument.

According to a probable cause statement released by police, the couple’s argument escalated until Chavez hit Smith over the head with a glass bottle, then grabbed a knife and began to cut him on his head, neck, face, arms and hand.

Chavez’s grandson slept through the physical altercation, waking up when police arrived in his bedroom, according to the statement.

[ABC News]

Whackuccino

Next time you're at Starbucks, you may want to think twice about any creamy, frothy toppings.

A guy who calls himself Mister PeePee set a goal of masturbating in every Starbucks in New York City, then photographing the results. Don't believe it? You can listen to this self-described "big fan of Starbucks" discuss his plans -- in detail -- on a podcast, and read his results on Twitter.

"I've got to rate the bathroom on cleanliness," Mister PeePee said on The Glory Hole podcast, "and [note] if a person knocked on the door and interrupted me." One of his associates wanted Mister PeePee to also rate "how hot the chicks were in the location -- customers and baristas" and "how frequently did someone try to open the door when you were trying to jerk off." "And lastly, how was the coffee?" added the podcast co-host. (Mister PeePee tweeted at least one of his store ratings: Today's Starbucks visit is rated as a 4 Boner. Spacious, clean, excellent coffee, strong wifi, no interruptions & 1 hot chick)

[Starbucks Gossip] (Mr. PeePee's Twitter-feed here)

The Sweetness In The Chocolate Comes From Pain

You give these Moldovans a chance and what do you get? Trouble. What's a little back pain against the opportunity to learn the American way, from the ground up? Literally.

I was at Hershey Park not long ago with a few of my kids and I know they have an orphanage or something up there too. It's a foundation type set up. So I'm surprised to hear this.

But then I got to the part where big companies hire temporary foreign workers to save money on taxes and social security. And then I wasn't surprised anymore.

A Moldovan student on a State Department foreign exchange program wrote the department a pleading e-mail complaining of the working conditions at a Hershey packing factory, The New York Times' Julia Preston reports.

"Pleas hellp," Tudor Ureche, a college student who was participating in the U.S. government's J-1 visa program, wrote in the email. He added that he was suffering from severe back pain from the work, and that his bosses said his temporary visa would be revoked if he complained.

Ureche never received a response. But two months later, at least 200 foreign exchange students walked out of the Pennsylvania factory in protest, saying they spent thousands of dollars to pay for their cultural exchange visa only to end up in grueling factory jobs. (The factory packed Hershey's candy, but was operated by a subcontractor.)

Cetusa, the group that the government paid to organize the students' stay in America, responded to the negative attention garnered by the protest by "arranging for students to have a paid week off from the plant and by paying for two trips to historic sites in Pennsylvania," Preston writes. "The Hershey Company hosted a daylong visit to its headquarters so students could learn about its business strategies."

Critics of J-1 visas are using the incident to argue that the exchange program, created during the height of the Cold War to spread American values abroad, is now being exploited by employers who want cheap labor. (Employers save on Social Security and other taxes when they employ temporary foreign workers).

[yahoo! news]

Herman Cain Isn't Blowing Smoke

But his chief of staff is.

This is an actual campaign ad. Do watch the entire 60 seconds, Cain's child-molester grin at the end is well worth it.



[Kevin Drum]

It Don't Mean a Thing

At least this guy had the good sense to use liquid detergent instead of powdered.

Vallejo authorities had to cut the world’s biggest — and oldest — baby out of a child’s swing at a local park this weekend.

An unidentified 21-year-old man allegedly made a $100 bet with his friends that he could fit in a child’s swing at Blue Rock Springs Park, police said.

After lubing himself with liquid laundry detergent, he shimmied into the swing and its two leg holes at about 9 p.m. Friday, said Mark Libby, spokesman for the Vallejo Fire Department

He promptly became stuck, and further swelling and circulation issues made it impossible for him to get out on his own, said Vallejo police Sgt. Jeff Bassett.

And then his friends left him.

It wasn’t until a groundskeeper heard him screaming for help at about 6 a.m. the next morning — nine hours later — that authorities came to free him.

But to add insult to injury, Vallejo firefighters decided the best tactic to go about freeing him was to cut the chains and then transport him to the nearest hospital still in the swing.

So the 21-year-old man who spent the night rocking in a child’s swing arrived at Kaiser Permanente Vallejo Medical Center, still wrapped in the diaper-like seat.

[SFGate]

Heroism Ain't Cheap

Next time you're considering going above and beyond the call of duty, be sure to check in with your employer's disability insurance agent first.

JOPLIN, Mo. (AP) — By all accounts, Mark Lindquist is a hero, an underpaid social worker who nearly gave his life trying to save three developmentally disabled adults from the Joplin tornado. Both houses of the Missouri legislature honored Lindquist, the Senate resolution calling him "a true hero and inspiration to others."

But heroism doesn't pay the bills. The tornado's 200 mph winds tossed Lindquist nearly a block, broke every rib, obliterated his shoulder, knocked out most of his teeth and put him in a coma for about two months.

Lindquist, 51, ran up medical expenses that exceed $2.5 million, and the bills keep coming. He requires 11 daily prescriptions and will need more surgery.

But he has no medical insurance. Lindquist couldn't afford it on a job paying barely above minimum wage. He assumed workers' compensation would cover his bills, but his claim was denied "based on the fact that there was no greater risk than the general public at the time you were involved in the Joplin tornado," according to a letter to Lindquist from Accident Fund Insurance Company of America, his company's workers' comp provider.

[...]

Lindquist watched the skies darken on the evening of May 22 while on his way to the group home occupied by Mark Farmer, Rick Fox and Tripp Miller, three middle-aged men with Down syndrome. Soon after he arrived, a tornado siren began to blare.

[...]

The EF-5 tornado was among the nation's worst ever. It destroyed more than 7,000 homes, including the group home, and killed 162 people.

Among the dead were Farmer, Fox and Miller, a fact that still haunts Lindquist.

"I loved them almost as much as I love my own kid," he said.

[...]

[Lindquist's sister Linda] Baldwin said the insurance company's decision is unfathomable because if her brother hadn't been at work, he wouldn't have been hurt. He also could have jumped in his van and driven away from the group home as the tornado approached.

Lindquist said that thought never crossed his mind.

"I could have abandoned them to save myself, but I would never do that," he said.

[AP]

Hot Shit!

At least this Irish alchemist wasn't doing something completely insane like chasing leprechauns around. And with a name like "Moran," this kind of behavior is to be expected.

A Northern Ireland man who tried to turn his own faeces into gold by putting it on an electric heater has been jailed for three months.

The bizarre experiment, carried out by Paul Moran, 30, caused around £3,000 worth of damage to his Housing Executive home in a block of flats at Derrin Park in Enniskillen in July.

[...]

Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others.

His Honour Judge McFarland told him: “Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

“It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”

[...]

Moran’s barrister, Des Fahy, agreed that the general circumstances of the case were bizarre. He said Moran was a man of considerable intellectual ability but there was a clear problem over the years relating to drug abuse.

[Belfast Telegraph]

Who Says Chivalry is Dead?

Spare the rod, spoil the strumpet.

A Yelm-area man reportedly upset with his 16-year-old daughter because she went to Puyallup without parental approval Saturday night is accused of forcing her to suit up in armor and then beating her with a wooden sword for two hours until she could no longer stand, according to the Thurston County Sheriff’s Office.

The father, identified as Freemon Everett Seay, 38, is a Renaissance fair enthusiast. He also donned armor and gave her a wooden sword before the assault, Thurston County sheriff’s Lt. Greg Elwin said.

[...]

The events that led up to the alleged beating began Saturday night, after Freemon Seay went to Puyallup to pick up his daughter, Elwin said. Once they returned, Seay directed his other daughter to go outside and collect numerous willow branches, Elwin said. Seay, 5-foot-10 and 300 pounds, then used the switches to beat the 16-year-old on the back of her legs and back while she was on her stomach and he sat on top of her, he said.

According to Elwin, Seay then gave his daughter armor, a helmet and a wooden sword. Seay also suited up in armor and armed himself with a wooden sword, and they fought for nearly two hours, from 2 to 4 a.m. Sunday, until “she could no longer stand from exhaustion.”

The 16-year-old was not hospitalized, but she suffered extensive bruising on her face, torso and legs. After Seay realized the extent of his daughter’s injuries, he reportedly told her he was sorry and “he did not intend to go that far.”

[The Olympian]

Time To Get Real

Who is actually in charge of "Occupy Wall Street?" Nobody! This is the ultimate gift for corporate America. You've spent the last few decades outsourcing jobs and creating "synergies" and "efficiencies" (read LAYOFFS) and now, what a surprise! There is a MOB of people (ingrates) out there with nothing better to do than hang out all day and talk to your esteemed local citizens' representatives and nod their heads and go "yeah, yeah, yeah" and they are still hanging out in that park doing...whatever it is they are doing. This leaderless mob is corporate America's gift to us all. I think they need to appoint a leader RIGHT NOW so we have some central figure to attack and ridicule so we can get this over with already.

Plus over the past few years, especially after 9/11, people figured out that they could LIVE down there in the Wall St. area, and developers crowded in there to renovate space and turn all those old buildings into expensive condos. And now these Manhattan millionaires are righteously annoyed by all this rabble.

Enough already. Who really needs to be protected here? Free speech or local millionaire condo owners? Come on. The name says it all. "Occupy Wall Street." Well, Earth to protestors...Wall Street is part of America and you can't have it. Soon it will be time to stop all this pathetic civility and crack some unemployed heads. The rest of the media will be SHOCKED, but here at Daily Downers, we've seen it all before. Read this below. It's a "leaderless movement." Time to mop them up. Bunch of hippies really. Nothing to worry about.

Negotiations between Occupy Wall Street and Downtown residents are going nowhere — and the community is getting fed up.

After hosting a meeting between protesters and residents Friday afternoon, City Councilwoman Margaret Chin said she is losing faith that the protesters will be able to address residents' concerns about noise, garbage and safety in Zuccotti Park, where Occupy Wall Street has been camped out for the past month.

"Despite seven meetings with the community board, a 'Good Neighbor Policy' and a meeting with [Occupy Wall Street] to discuss the enforcement of that policy, nothing has changed in Zuccotti Park," Chin said in a statement to DNAinfo Monday.

"The residents in the area are overwhelmed, and rightfully so," Chin continued. "At this point, I have to conclude that OWS is unable, or unwilling, to address the concerns expressed by the community. We have tried to work with the protesters and to support them, but that support is waning."

Part of the problem is that Occupy Wall Street prides itself on being a leaderless movement, with a horizontal governance structure in which committees tackle issues independently and then report back to the consensus-based General Assembly.

That structure makes it difficult for any one representative to negotiate an agreement on behalf of the whole, and there are often conflicts between what one representative of the group says at one meeting and what another says the following day.

Ro Sheffe, chairman of Community Board 1's Financial District Committee, who has met with the protesters many times, said he is starting to believe that negotiating with them is futile.

"At every one of these meetings, we sit down with people who seem reasonable and very responsive to our concerns," said Sheffe, who lives on Liberty Street, one block from the Zuccotti Park protest.

"They agree to work with us to address the issues, and then they go away," Sheffe continued. "And nothing at all changes. It just appears that there's nothing they can all agree to that can be enforced."

[DNAinfo via Yahoo! News]

The Dark Side of Penguins

As Ayn Rand so wisely observed, there are two kinds of people in the world: producers and parasites. It's no different with penguins.



[The Awl]

Prepare For The Walking Dead At Your Local Hardware Store

I did not know we had a large following for Daily Downers in the Midwest but apparently this hardware chain has the ability to scan the web for the very best ideas. Of course zombies sell! Like hotcakes. Because we worship these incubation-type zombie presentations as a slow "wake up" call (where you hit the snooze button 400 times) for the REAL zombie attack, that every government expert knows is well on the way.

The animal kingdon is already filled with zombies, especially the insect world. It's like Darwin's theory of evoultion, that poster of the ape leading up to man. Darwin left out the last drawing, the zombie. He probably could not imagine a world where you could go and evolve past DEAD, but there you have it. At least this is a way of helping people get ready in a practical way. But this stuff would require you to get right up to the zombies, and with a whole crowd of them, that might be dangerous. It's all a game...UNTIL IT ISN'T!

Hardware store manager Mike Dowling wants to be clear: His shovels might slow an attacking zombie, but you'll to need something else to put the final nail in the creature's coffin.

"I wouldn't say it's for killing zombies," the veteran Omaha store manager said. "But it's helpful for cleaning up if you ever have to."

In a pop-culture world of zombie marches, video games and television shows, one regional hardware chain has taken the novel approach of actively marketing power tools and garden implements as protection against the undead.

And not to leave out the walking dead, Westlake Ace Hardware's online "Zombie Preparedness Center" has a "Me zombie" section touting bolts and fasteners for broken bones, glue and caulk for peeling skin, and deodorizers to freshen up decaying flesh. Lose a limb? Try duct tape!

Marketing experts say such out-of-the-box campaigns can give smaller companies a competitive foothold.

"It's a great way to create brand awareness," said University of Nebraska Lincoln marketing professor Rob Simon. "But there is a risk. Say you have a jewelry store that was going to do something like that. In that case, it would really diminish what you're selling."

Westlake executives say they initially were reluctant to associate products with horror film imagery, and the campaign shies away from serious blood-and-gore. One blurb in the pre-Halloween campaign advertises chain saws "for clearing away hedges blocking your view of oncoming zombies." Nail guns are for "zombie intimidation."

"I was a little worried that we might be a little too out there, that people might take offense," said Liz Benditt, Westlake's director of customer relationship development. "But if anything, (the effect) has been the opposite."

The campaign launched last week originated with Bozell, an Omaha public relations and advertising firm. Scott Bishop, the company's director of social influence, said members of the firm's creative staff wandered the hardware store aisles and jotted notes on how items could help or halt the undead.

"We found that zombies have a very, very huge following," Bishop said. "It's very much a part of our pop culture right now."

Benditt said the risk has paid off well so far for Lenexa, Kan.-based chain, which has 88 stores scattered through Iowa, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico. She said web traffic has increased, and store managers said they've seen more potential customers coming into stores. It's not yet clear if that's led to increased sales.

[Associated Press]

Return Of The Silent Majority

An interesting phenomenon. If you watch TV, you would think there was this vast majority of Americans who don't want any new taxes, and God forbid we tax the rich. That's class warfare. But the reality is, if you actually talk to the American people, they DO believe it's okay for rich people to pay more.

Maybe it's the MEDIA that doesn't like the idea of rich people paying more? In any case it would appear there is nothing to stop us from raising taxes on the rich on a "grassroots" political level. At least raising them back to the pre-Bush tax cut levels?

But somehow the minority view is prevailing, and maybe I'm crazy, but the minority view actually gets more play than the majority view. And the rich are not getting their taxes raised. Is it an ineffective "silent majority" that's not being heard, like Nixon once said, or is it just a very effective and noisy minority that's calling the shots here? I can't figure out what's going on, and apparently neither can these Republican presidential candidates, who are aiming their message squarely at the minority of people who believe the wealthy shouldn't pay more. Sign me, BAFFLED.

And by the way, if Nixon was running today, he would easily be the most interesting and compelling candidate going. Only Trump and Palin could have gotten this campaign on track for this blogger.

More than two-thirds of Americans, including a majority of Republicans, say wealthier people should pay more in taxes to bring down the budget deficit, and even larger numbers think Medicare and Social Security benefits should be left alone.

That sentiment on taxes is at odds with the Republican presidential candidates, who will meet tonight in a Bloomberg- Washington Post-sponsored debate focused on economic issues.

More than 8 out of 10 Americans say the middle class will have to make financial sacrifices to cut the federal deficit even as the public just as strongly opposes higher taxes on middle-income families, according to a Bloomberg-Washington Post national poll conducted Oct. 6-9.

“While Americans see sacrifice as inevitable for the middle-class, the only sacrifice to win majority support is a tax on those too wealthy to be considered middle-class,” says J. Ann Selzer, president of Des Moines, Iowa-based Selzer & Co., which consults with Bloomberg News on polls.

[Bloomberg]

Daily Downers Exclusive - America Hates Children

This confirms something I've believed for a long time. In America, it's "all about the kids." All these "family values" types running around. But these are just WORDS. If you look closer you will see the ugly truth. America Hates Children.

If you look at what money is spent on in America, you will see that our priorities are emphatically NOT taking care of children. This article points out the fantastic details of our "school nutrition" programs, which are going great guns here while the media continues to pump out shocked updates on "childhood obesity."

When things go bad, the FIRST thing to get hacked is education. Amazing that raising taxes on the rich causes an uproar with people who barely have a pot to piss in, but there is no big media blitz on cuts to education, it's just the ordinary course of business here.

If you look at a list of what our government spends money on, I would bet they spend as much on crap like "ethanol subsidies" as they do on kids. Plus they will bring powerful investigative resources to bear to root out "welfare fraud" and cause collateral damage to poor children while dishing out billions to bankers who made bad bets. Based on what I see below, instead of feeding kids this crappy food maybe we should try getting them to live on ethanol, if that is scientifically possible. This is a program that may CREATE JOBS. You're welcome.

Remember the documentary "Supersize Me" in which a man eats McDonald's for a whole month (and gains 24 pounds)? Well a Chicago mother and teacher brought that idea to the lunch line. After being outraged by the food served in her school cafeteria, Sara Wu started a blog called Fed Up With Lunch, which she wrote under the pseudonym of Mrs. Q. For a whole year, she ate her school cafeteria lunch and documented her experience with photos of her meals.

She was appalled at what she found. She ate 162 lunches that included sausage pizza, tater tots, cheeseburgers, "bageldogs," and a prepackaged peanut butter and jelly sandwich that literally made her sick. Wu finally revealed her identity to her thousands of followers with the release of her book "Fed Up With Lunch," which hits stores this week. The book launch coincides with National School Lunch Week and National Take Your Parents to Lunch Day, when parents are encouraged to visit their children's cafeteria, snap a photo of their lunch, and upload it online. You can check out our Facebook page to look at lunch photos and upload your own!

[yahoo! news]