Heads Will Roll

Thinking about building a hovercraft from scratch using an "online design"?

Think again.

A New Zealand man has been decapitated by a propeller while demonstrating a home-made hovercraft to his family, local media reports say.

Dr Alastair Kenneth Senior, 40, died instantly when his hovercraft suffered a mechanical failure, causing a blade to shear off and hit him in the head.

[...]

It was reported to be the first time Mr Senior had driven the hovercraft. Police said that the victim had made the vehicle from scratch, possibly using an online design.

[...]

Police said anyone could build or fly a hovercraft in New Zealand without a licence.

The newspaper went on to quote a former member of the Hovercraft Club of New Zealand, Ashley Shaw, who said the craft were generally safe.

"To make them, it's a piece of cake. I designed my own," he said.

"Hovercraft are inherently very, very safe and simple devices. They are quite stable."

[BBC]

Recycling Kills

Goddamn you, Al Gore!

An East Toledo woman died after she fell head-first into her city-issued recycling container outside of her home, likely after going to throw trash away.

According to a preliminary report, Sheila Decoster, 62, died of positional asphyxia, meaning that, because of Mrs. Decoster's position in the container, she was not able to breathe properly, said Lucas County Deputy Coroner Diane Barnett.

In her 29 years in the coroner's office, Dr. Barnett said she has never seen anything quite like it.

[...]

Mr. Decoster, who left for work about 3:30 a.m., returned home about 5 p.m. with a load of groceries. He didn't see his wife when he first walked in.

He assumed she might be next door visiting with a neighbor, and when he walked out the front door, he saw his wife's leg sticking out of the bin, which is next to the porch.

"I just happened to look to the left and, honestly, thought it was a dummy," Mr. Decoster said, pausing to breathe.

"I shook her leg and called her name, and I knew she was gone."

[...]

It appears that Mrs. Decoster tried to kick her way out of the 64-gallon receptacle, but was unsuccessful.

At the scene, once Mrs. Decoster's body was removed, Steve Kahle, a coroner's investigator, tried to tip the can but was unable to do so, Dr. Barnett said.

Mrs. Decoster's family said Monday that they were concerned because the can was difficult to tip over.

"Could I blame the city because the cans aren't tippable?" Mr. Decoster said. "I don't know. City liability hasn't crossed my mind."

[...]

"Even though I've seen a lot of death, I can't open that can," said Mr. Decoster, who served in the Army Airborne division for three years, spending 13 months in Vietnam. "I need to put some recyclables in the can and I just can't do it.

"That's not me. I'm a strong person, strong-willed, but this is hitting me pretty hard," Mr. Decoster said.

[Toledo Blade]

Zen and the Art of Lobster Fishing

On the bright side, these lobsters are just a pot of boiling water away from nirvana.

Talk about bad karma.

On Thursday, a group of Buddhists traveled to Gloucester and purchased 534 lobsters, about 600 pounds worth, from a wholesaler and dumped them back into the sea in a prayer ceremony in which the crustaceans’ bands were cut and blessed water was sprayed on them.

Freedom. But it may have been short-lived.

Yesterday, lobstermen from the fishing vessel Degelyse said they had traveled to the site of the ceremony, laid their traps, and hauled up exactly 534 lobsters, according to a local blog, Goodmorninggloucester.org.

And then they brought their haul right back to market.

[...]

The Reuters news agency reported on the Buddhists’ release of the lobsters, which featured a group of 30 who boarded a whale-watching ship and conducted their ceremony.

The actions included prayers, mantras, and walking boxes of lobsters in a circle around blessed objects, which is designed to "develop a karmic connection for the animals’ future lifetimes."

"Even if they get captured again, they’ve had a longer life," Wendy Cook, who helped lead the ceremony, told Reuters.

[...]

In a video on [fish wholesaler Joe] Ciaramitaro’s blog, the lobstermen joke that the Buddhists are welcome to re-purchase the lobsters and release them again.

[Boston Globe]

The REAL Crisis - Swept Under The Rug, Or Earth, As It Were

Here's an article about even MORE layoffs hurting the economy, and these will come soon on Wall Street. Before I can get too happy about that, what's so disturbing - we now have so many immediate headaches to deal with that everyone is working on the mess right in front of them full time, all the time. So nobody is paying attention to the crisis looming in the background, the mother of all headaches, and the end of the world.

Unemployment is going to be a key factor in the upcoming avalanche of zombies that we will be battling over the next few decades as we are overrun by floods, talking dogs, radiation, and other assorted environmental catastrophes as our air and water become progressively unfit for human consumption.

As more people become unemployed, they won't care enough about their lives to fight the zombies. They will be more inclined just to give up and join in. If a guy is sitting on his couch eating dog food, and the zombies come in, he is just going to say "what the hell." Let them take a bite and get with the new program. This is where we need real leadership from our politicians, to give us hope in the face of this onslaught. It would be a hell of a battle even without the unemployed Wall Street guys, and any battle where we would rely on politicians is absolutely hopeless, but now, it seems even more...hopeless. If that's possible.

Trust me, these zombies are going to make unemployment look like a picnic. It would be better to be attacked by an army of 50 foot women, because quite a few of them are hot. Check out this picture I took of my last 50 foot woman, who I met in the South Seas. She never dropped me, not even once. Carried me around in her bra. I was supposed to keep these pictures a secret but I just don't see the point anymore. Stock up on canned goods and ammunition. You're more than welcome.

New York City, whose economy rests on Wall Street's shoulders, has the most to fear from a confidence-rattling economic shock because the city's budget is prepared to adjust to a gradual decline, economists say.

The stock market's meltdown and the tens of thousands of layoffs announced by the city's hometown financial industry have not -- at least for now -- matched the stresses of 2008-2009.

"There's a difference in magnitude and certainly a difference in the financial situation," said James Brown, a labor analyst, at the state Department of Labor. Banks may not be earning as much as expected, but he said: "No one's sitting around talking about going out of business the next quarter."

What is not yet known is precisely how many bankers, traders, analysts and brokers will lose their jobs in the city. Pink slips likely will descend on many workers in other states and countries.

"Volatility and unpredictability is probably the best way to characterize where we are now," State Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli told Reuters.

[Reuters]

Blow to His Manhood

Shooting yourself in the penis is bad enough, but to do so with a pink pistol is downright emasculating.

CHANDLER, AZ - Chandler police say a 27-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the groin outside a grocery store Tuesday night.

It happened in the parking lot of the Fry's Food Store at Elliot and Alma School roads.

According to the police report, the man had his fiancee's pink pistol tucked in the front waistband of his pants when the gun accidentally fired.

The bullet hit the man's penis and then went through one of his legs.

He was then taken to the hospital and underwent surgery.

Police said it's not clear how bad the injuries were but called them non-life threatening.

[ABC 15]

Science Explains, But Religion EXPLAINS!

It took me awhile to catch up to this one. Science is like all blah blah blah but it's a red lake right?

The problem is ACTING on information like this. If it was a 100% slam dunk guaranteed apocalypse then you can look good playing the markets for a day. But what if you party like it's 1999 and it...isn't? And 1999 is just a figure of speech? You know what I mean.

As short term ideas go this does not amount to much, but as a long term three year and out prediction I'm saying put a few black chips on "total environmental catastrophe" over the next few decades. A safe bet. Contact your investment advisor or play cards accordingly.

A Texas lake that turned blood-red this summer may not be a sign of the End Times, but probably is the end of a popular fishing and recreation spot.

A drought has left the OC Fisher Reservoir in San Angelo State Park in West Texas almost entirely dry. The water that is left is stagnant, full of dead fish — and a deep, opaque red.

The color has some apocalypse believers suggesting that OC Fisher is an early sign of the end of the world, but Texas Parks and Wildlife Inland Fisheries officials say the bloody look is the result of Chromatiaceae bacteria, which thrive in oxygen-deprived water.

"It's just heartbreaking," said Charles Cruz, a fish and wildlife technician with Texas Parks and Wildlife in San Angelo, Tex.

[Livescience.com]

Way-yay-yay-yait Mr. Postman

Everything is crumbling into dust. "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor white of snow nor black of night and pain of fire will keep us from our appointed rounds." That's what it says on the main Post Office in New York. Now the Post Office is just another lame business on its way to the dustbin of history.

All those great Wild West stories of the Pony Express fighting off the Indians to deliver phone bills, all to be forgotten or misremembered. Mailmen trudging through piles of bodies after earthquakes to put Readers Digest in the remaining apartment mailboxes, and even shoving a few under doors when everything else was just rubble.

You get used to certain things. Catalogues, contest invitations, not so many letters anymore, nobody cares about that, you can always text people, that seems to be the way of the world now. All garbage. Maybe I can start a private mail service, to go along with my service for accepting nude photos from politicians. Out of all these great business ideas something has to work out. Doesn't it?

The U.S. Postal Service posted a net loss of $3.1 billion in its third quarter and warned again it would default on payments to the federal government if Congress did not step in.

Total mail volume for the quarter that ended June 30 fell to 39.8 billion pieces, a 2.6 percent drop from the same period a year earlier, as consumers turn to email and pay bills online.

The mail carrier, which does not get taxpayer funds, has struggled to overhaul its business as mail volumes fall. It has said personnel costs weigh heavily and is facing a massive retiree health benefit prepayment next month.

"We are experiencing a severe cash crisis and are unable to continue to maintain the aggressive prepayment schedule," Joseph Corbett, the agency's chief financial officer, said in a statement.

"Without changes in the law, the Postal Service will be unable to make the $5.5 billion mandated prepayment due in September."

Congress, which last week ended a vitriolic debate about the U.S. government's debt levels and budget deficit, is now in recess until early September.

USPS cut work hours during the quarter by 3.1 percent compared to the previous year, when quarterly net losses were $3.5 billion.

[Reuters]

No Friends at Work? Prepare to Die

This probably won't be of much concern to the vast bulk of Daily Downers readers since most of you don't have jobs.

For the minority of you who do go to work, it's a pretty safe bet that you and your coworkers share an intense, mutual contempt for one another. If this description fits you, it's time for you to get your affairs in order.

Over all, people who believed they had little or no emotional support in the workplace were 2.4 times more likely to die during the course of the study than the workers who developed stronger bonds with their peers in other cubicles.

To study how office politics influenced health, the researchers recruited 820 adults who visited a local health clinic in 1988 for routine checkups, then interviewed them about their jobs, asking detailed questions that delved into whether they found their supervisors and peers approachable, friendly and helpful to them.

[...]

By the time the study ended in 2008, 53 of the workers taking part had died; most of them had cast their work support networks in a negative light.

[...]

One thing [researchers] noticed was that the risk was only affected by a person’s relationship with his or her peers, and not that person’s supervisors. The way people viewed their relationships with their bosses had no impact on mortality.

[NYT]

Money Isn't Everything

To hell with U2! Guys in jogging suits, environmentally correct, positively healthy. Live Nation is very proud. Hey on behalf of everyone who actually breathes air, FUCK LIVE NATION! Alright.

The Stones - not healthy, decisively, drugged out and cavorting with every available man and woman baby yeah! What environment? Starving where? ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-yeah-oh-baby-now-ah-yeahhhh!

U2 cannot lay claim to being a real rock band since none of them have been busted. Plus what have they contributed to the rock touring lexicon? You don't hear stories about U2 and any 15 year old groupies right? You bet you don't. Bunch of businessmen is all they are really. Poofs too.

Perhaps they should change their name to U$?

When U2's "360°" tour wrapped its 110th -- and final -- show in Moncton, N.B., on Saturday night, it became the most successful tour in history with a gross of $736.1 million.

Beginning in Barcelona in 2009, the tour made its way through 30 countries across five continents, and the Irish rock band played for more than 7.1 million fans.

"This tour was a brilliant success on every level and all involved should be extremely proud," the band's tour producer and chairman of Live Nation's Global Touring, Arthur Fogel, said in a statement. "U2 once again have set the standard for achievement – perhaps for all time."

U2 beat the record previously held by the Rolling Stones earlier this year with a tour gross of $558 million.

[Daily News]

Crazy Horse

Rest assured, the Captain's impeccable sources inform him that no horses or humans were injured in the making of this film.



[The Hairpin]

"It Takes Balls to Execute an Innocent Man"

Back in 2004, Texas Governor Rick Perry went ahead with the execution of Cameron Todd Willingham, despite the mountains of evidence that Willingham was innocent of the heinous crime of which he was accused.

If readers are unfamiliar with the case, the Captain recommends this New Yorker piece which describes it in vivid detail. Long story short, it's virtually certain that Willingham did not commit the crime and it's even more certain that Rick Perry was fully aware of this fact.

You might think Perry's direct involvement in this deplorable miscarriage of justice would be an electoral liability with voters. But if we're talking about Texas Republican voters, you'd be sorely mistaken.

Perry would also have to answer for parts of his record that have either never been fully scrutinized in Texas, or that might be far more problematic before a national audience.

Veterans of Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison’s unsuccessful 2010 primary challenge to Perry recalled being stunned at the way attacks bounced off the governor in a strongly conservative state gripped by tea party fever. Multiple former Hutchison advisers recalled asking a focus group about the charge that Perry may have presided over the execution of an innocent man – Cameron Todd Willingham – and got this response from a primary voter: “It takes balls to execute an innocent man.”

[Politico] via [Jonathan Chait]

Sometimes It's Best to Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Looks like the Captain would be wise to reinforce his ship's bathroom sink pronto.

A NEW Zealand woman nearly died after her hand has accidentally severed during holiday sex on a yacht in Croatia.

The woman, 28, was having sex with a British man on a bathroom sink aboard the yacht when the sink broke, severing her hand when she fell, the Croatian Times reported.

"It appears they were engaged in a passionate act in the bathroom where at some stage the sink broke - leaving a jagged edge that severed the woman's hand when she fell to the floor," police spokesman Kraljevic Gudelj said.

"The young woman almost died, and was only saved after she was airlifted to hospital where doctors managed to reattach the severed limb. It had only been attached by a small amount of skin."

[...]

"We believe it was probably an accident but the British man has fled and the New Zealand girl is understandably hard to speak to at the moment. We want to track him down to find out his side of the story," Mr Gudelj said.

[Daily Telegraph]

New Service Available Now At Daily Downers

Out of all the stupid things I've done, this one is not on the list. What is so compelling about sending a picture of yourself naked to somebody? I don't get it. I don't mind SEEING some of these photos, but is it such an urgent thing? The biggest turn on? I don't see it.

And what is so irresistable about this practice to politicians? It's almost like in order to be a politician you have to be some kind of perv or brain dead when it comes to this stuff.

So here's my idea. If anyone has the urge to send a naked picture of themselves around, DON'T DO IT! You can send it here, to ME, where I will hold it in complete confidence. Even the President of the United States can rest assured that I will keep a lid on that shit. Send me the picture and $100 and you can get your jollies and keep your secret safe with me. Limited time only, I don't know how many kooks are out there and our servers can't handle too much more beyond our four regular readers. But a few pictures would enable us to think about buying bigger ones. THINK about buying them. Not necessarily buying them. I want to be honest here.

After an online sexting scandal brought down Congressman Anthony Weiner, the last thing a politician would even consider is sending a nude self-portrait over the Internet. Apparently not.

Cumberland County freeholder Louis Magazzu, 53, stepped down on Tuesday after nude photos he sent to a woman with whom he had a long online relationship were posted on the website of conservative blogger Carl Johnson, said Magazzu's lawyer Rocco Cipparone.

"Unfortunately, in my personal life, I did not always demonstrate the wisdom and balance that I expected from myself, and that the people of Cumberland County deserve and have every right to expect," Magazzu said in a statement.

Magazzu, a Democrat, hired Cipparone to pursue legal action against Johnson, a Republican. He said the images were meant to be seen only by the woman and he was set up.

"A woman who I have never met personally, but have corresponded with on the Internet for several years, has recently shared some photographs which she requested and that were intended only for her eyes," Magazzu said in the statement.

"I did not know that she was working with an avowed political enemy to distribute these pictures ... I have retained counsel to determine what laws may have been broken by the unauthorized distribution of those pictures. No government services or equipment were used by me when taking the pictures or transmitting them to the woman in question."

The photos appear to show Magazzu standing naked in front of a mirror.

[Reuters]

"Look, Mom -- No Hands!"

Q: What was the last thing to go through the skydiving quadriplegic's mind after he hit the ground?

A: His wheelchair.

SALMON, Idaho (Reuters) - A quadriplegic skydiver plunged 18,000 feet to his death because he was unable to manually deploy his parachute, and his emergency chute was not set to automatically release, authorities said on Monday.

Jack Fogle, 27, of Kingston, Washington, died Saturday afternoon just minutes after he and seven others launched themselves from a plane during a celebrated skydiving event in northwest Montana that drew scores of parachutists, said Flathead County Undersheriff Jordan White.

Fogle, a veteran of 125 jumps over five years, was hampered by his physical disability from manually activating his primary parachute and was likely counting on his backup chute to deploy. He hit the ground from a fall estimated at 120 miles per hour, White said.

[...]

White said Fogle's death has been ruled an accident, dispelling widespread rumors of a suicide wish.

"Zack died with another jump pass in his pocket," said White. "He was living his dream. His was an incredible story of his drive to live and to excel in this sport despite being disabled from an (automobile) accident when he was a junior in high school."

[...]

Skydivers can manually deploy reserve chutes mid-fall, but physical challenges likely prevented Fogle from taking advantage of what is considered a last-ditch but fail-safe practice, said White, a licensed pilot.

[Reuters]

Nothing Changes After Week At Sea - Everything Still Sucks, No End In Sight

I had to go out to sea for a week so I couldn't post. It doesn't really matter. Everything is still really bad.

They say every cloud has a silver lining. I'd say the silver lining here is obvious. Buy stock in companies that make bulldozers. In the short run, bulldozers will be on the upswing as they reflect the extent of corporate and bank executive imagination in action. If you have no ideas, no morals, and no worries about anyone but yourself...buy a bulldozer!

I'm thinking bulldozers could be used even more, in the best of all possible worlds. There are lots of child care facilities that could be knocked down, as well as old age homes and other structures devoted to helping some people and draining the life out of the rest of us, especially those in the top income brackets.

The bulldozers could also be used to make underground cities. I really think we should be moving some more of our current unpleasantness underground. Seeing the sun and visiting the above-ground world should be a privilege and not an inalienable right. Might require a little re-drafting of the Constitution, but since that document doesn't have a future in its present form anyway, the time has come to get started.

You're either part of the solution or part of the problem! That's a cliche. Our readers can be both. Maybe we can confuse the bastards enough to get out of the way for awhile, or at least until the germs kill all the Martians and those infernal machines they ride around in.

Banks have a new remedy to America's ailing housing market: Bulldozers.

There are nearly 1.7 million homes in the U.S. in some state of foreclosure. Banks already own some of these homes and will soon have repossessed many more. Many housing economists worry that near constant stream of home sales from banks could keep housing prices down for years to come. But what if some of those homes never hit the market.

Increasingly, it appears banks are turning to demolition teams instead of realtors to rid them of their least valuable repossessed homes. Last month, Bank of America announced plans to demolish 100 foreclosed homes in the Cleveland area. The land is then going to be donated back to the local government authorities. BofA says the recent donations in Cleveland are part of a larger plan to rid itself of its least saleable properties, many of which, according to a company spokesperson, are worth less than $10,000. BofA has already donated 100 homes in Detroit and 150 in Chicago, and may add as many as nine more cities by the end of the year.

[TIME]