And So It Begins

As long time fans (fan?) of this website know, we have been predicting the zombie apocalypse since we started posting here a few years ago. I actually waited a few days on this one, and I had to contact all of my friends (friend?) in Miami to get the local story. I had a feeling the "official" story would be a load of crap. Sure enough the police and government officials are already engaged in a cover up. Typically I don't write about stories where someone actually dies. That's usually Captain Bringdown's (semi-retired) beat. But since this one confirms Daily Downers as the "go to" blog/site for accurate predictions on our dismal future I have no choice but to cover this one.

This story talks about LSD, and other stories have talked about other drugs like "bath salts." Stuff I've never heard of. Come on. Here's a picture of a guy on LSD. These guys don't eat other people. They just don't. A little music on a sunny day in Miami and this guy is looking at a butterfly for six hours and playing an air raid guitar solo. If drugs made you do this don't you think this would've happened already?

I'll tell you what else is great, if you go to this link there's a video, and before the video there's a commercial for mayonnaise or something. So for some people this story is an opportunity. Eat food and not people. A solid message.

This face eating guy either became a zombie in some way we don't know about or more likely escaped from a government lab or island where they keep the zombies. Like they keep the aliens in the desert in Roswell, NM. Now we know that one of those islands off the Florida coast is probably a full fledged zombie campground. The first thing I'm trying to figure out is what is the bigger threat? Zombies or aliens? I'm going to go with zombies. The aliens probably have advanced weapons to vaporize us. Relatively painless. The zombie thing is going to hurt. Badly. Buy water, food and guns. You're welcome.

A naked man was shot dead by Miami police as he chewed at the face of another naked man. The circumstances of the horrific attack are still unknown – and the victim remains in hospital with grave injuries. The gruesome drama unfolded on Saturday off the city's MacArthur Causeway, with the aftermath captured on film by a Miami Herald surveillance camera.

Witness Larry Vega told WSVN-Fox 7 he saw a man biting the victim’s face.

He said: “I told him to get off and the other guy just kept eating the other guy away.”

The cyclist notified police, who ordered the man to stop. Vega added: “The guy just stood, his head up like that, with pieces of flesh in his mouth. And he growled.” The officer fired, but the man continued to chew, prompting him to continue shooting, eventually killing him. Police say the attacker may have been suffering from a drug-induced mania which causes the body to heat up, causing some users to strip off, the Miami Herald reported.

Armando Aguilar of the Miami Fraternal Order of Police suggested the drug may have been a new form of LSD. He told NBC 6: "Seventy-five to 80 percent of his face was missing, and he was actually swallowing pieces of the man's face."

[Huffington Post]

Oh Whoop De Doo For You Mr. Mountain Climber

Bunch of egomaniacs.

"Climb every mountain,
sing every song."

Give me a break. O look at me, I climbed Mount Everest. Big deal! Who cares? Last week a whole bunch of people went up there and died. This week, there's a whole new crowd. Now you could say, "wow, these guys are just adventure hungry madmen. Cool!" Or you could say, "these guys are idiots." Guess what I would say. Correct! Look at this guy. Outside climbing a mountain. Boy that looks like fun eh? Morons.

Stay home. Mow your lawn. Between that and driving this weekend that's enough danger for me.

Scores of climbers were headed for the summit of Mount Everest on Friday in what is expected to another busy weekend on the top of the world.

Last weekend, four climbers died on their way down from the summit amid a traffic jam of more than 200 people scrambling to conquer the world's highest peak as the weather worsened. A similar crowd is expected this weekend, but there have been no reports of climbers in trouble and the weather is good.

Gyanendra Shrestha, an official with Nepal's Tourism Ministry, said he had reports that 82 climbers reached the 8,850-meter (29,035-foot) summit on Friday morning.

Shrestha, who is at the base camp, said 120 climbers started the last phase of the climb on Thursday night but not all of them reached the summit. He said it was normal for some of the climbers to quit at the last treacherous part of the climb for various reasons.

There were still more climbers expected to try to reach the summit on Saturday — probably the last day of this climbing season.

"This is the last chance for climbers to attempt to reach the summit. If they can't, then there is not going to be another opportunity this season," another official Mohan Krishna Sapkota said.

[Associated Press]

It's Just Impossible To Express Yourself Anymore

They make this sound so wrong. You have a problem with your neighbor. If you go postal or yell at them it's awkward. Leaving poop in the mailbox, it can give someone pause, a little time for reflection.

"What could I have done to deserve this?"

And maybe the neighbor says,

"Yeah I have been a bad neighbor lately, maybe I should change my ways. Someone is obviously pissed off at me."

But now in these politically correct times, these time tested means of diplomacy between neighbors can no longer be used by sensible people everywhere. And then they put the video on youtube! So the bad neighbor wins, since you can see below that they have engaged in malicious rumor mongering, and the good neighbor suffers for the use of some extra excrement. Is our world getting better? With this Big Brother surveillance cutting us off from a common sense response to neighborly abuse? I think not.

The former president of CNN's Headline News almost found himself in deep doo-doo after he was caught on camera placing a bag filled with dog excrement in a neighbor's mailbox last week.

Bob Furnad was seemingly oblivious to the surveillance camera capturing him and his dog as he looked up his neighbor's driveway, then shoved a plastic baggie into their mailbox.

Hours later Benjamin Dameron and Ralph Miller discovered just what he'd left behind. Dameron said that he was "shocked" to discover what was in the bag.

"We cannot figure out why he did it," Dameron said. "At this point we really don't care why he did it … You know it was a silly thing to do, and were over it. I mean it's just a silly prank."

Dameron, 71, said that the prank that you'd expect from a teen came from Furnad, who is also a respected professor at the University of Georgia.

Furnad, who was head of CNN Headline News until 2001, admitted to the act to police and local media, but did not apologize.

"This was an immature act in response to years of malicious rumor mongering that I consider defamation of character," he told he told the Covington News.

Dameron and Miller have lived in Worthington Manor, a historic home in the quiet, upscale Georgia town of Covington for more than two decades. They say they haven't spoken to Furnad in years, and that any feud is news to them.

But nasty neighbor run-ins like this are all too common - and thanks to ever-present surveillance cameras, it's now easier to catch people in the act, and anyone can find these clips on YouTube.

[abcnews.com]

Kill The Umpire. Seriously.

At a glance, your knee jerk reaction to this would probably be, "this guy is a jerk." But hold on a second. First off, a lot of these umpires stink. It's hard to stand idly by while your grandson is getting called out on strikes where the pitches are about a foot outside. I've seen it many times. Kids can be traumatized by this. Instead everyone is worried about the umpire and his broken nose. If an umpire doesn't want his nose broken, let him get his eyes checked for Chrissake.

Even in professional baseball, these umpires are just no good. During one particular tirade with an umpire, Orioles manager Earl Weaver headed to the dugout screaming, "I'm going to check the rule-book on that," to which the umpire replied, "here, use mine." Weaver said, "that's no good - I can't read braille." The guy was blind. For real! You can look it up. Look at Pete Rose here. He knew the score.

The second and more significant point, why is this umpire's life and safety more valuable than mine? This Alabama law says that if you assualt an "official" it's a felony but if you punch out an ordinary citizen like me, that's just a misdemeanor. WHAT? If anything these umpires are LESS valuable members of society than your average citizen. ANYONE can go out there and blow calls all day. Takes no special talent at all. With all the technology they have today, they should review the replay and if the umpire got it wrong, too bad. The only umpires who deserve legal protection are those who get the calls RIGHT. And they are few and far between.

As reported by Birmingham Fox affiliate WBRC -- and noted by USA Today, among other outlets -- Jefferson County, Ala., resident Darryl Keeton was arrested after attacking an umpire following a youth softball game at Mt. Olive ballpark, the local baseball field. After a game spent heckling the official, Keeton took matters further by attacking the official in the parking lot outside the ballpark, punching him in the face and leaving him with a bloody nose.

Because Keeton was attacking a sports official and not a normal member of the public, a Alabama law stipulates that brief attack must yield Class C felony charges which could land the grandpa as many as 10 years in prison.

"A bloody nose most of the time will get you a misdemeanor, and that's wrong, but yeah, there's a law on the books that if you assault an official it's a Class C felony," Jefferson County Sheriff's Department Chief Deputy Randy Christian told WBRC. "That's a serious crime, and it should be."

Keeton's assault on the official was limited to a first punch thanks to the timely intervention of an off-duty Birmingham police officer, but by that time Keeton -- who was released on bond shortly after his arrest -- had already done enough to land himself felony charges and thoroughly embarrass himself in the process.

"You let the kids and the coaches work that out, that's part of life," Sgt. Christian told WBRC. "But if he's not embarrassed about that, I'm certainly embarrassed for him."

[yahoo! sports]

Aw Shucks I Forgot

I hear Andy Pettitte is on his way back to the Yankees, and besides hating the Yankees in general I hope he gets SHELLED in his return. His last outing was five innings and he gave up five runs to a bunch of minor league nobodies. But he said he was ready to go! He's probably tired of riding buses and wants to get up to FatCatVille.

If you've ever heard this guy interviewed, it's just nauseating. Like so many athletes, he leans heavily on God, and he's not shy about letting you know that. He was asked why he decided to come out of retirement, and he said, "well I prayed with my family and we decided I should come back." What does praying have to do with this? Like God cares if he pitches again and makes another few million? I guess God pays attention to Andy Pettitte and doesn't really have time for the the prayers of starving children because he's such a big baseball fan?

If Andy Pettitte prays about everything, what did God say when he prayed to him about using HGH? "Well God Roger gave me this stuff and said it will help my shoulder and I'm going to shoot this syringe in my butt now, okay? Amen." Did God tell him it was okay? If so, He's not saying.

Finally, everybody falls for this aw shucks praying crap and Andy Pettitte is seen as a nice guy. Amazing that nobody has a problem demonizing Barry Bonds, but THIS guy, he's really okay. Mark McGwire has a job on the Cardinals now. Is anybody hiring Barry Bonds as a coach? Hell no. It probably has nothing to do with the fact that Barry Bonds is black. Maybe he doesn't pray enough.

Finally, if Andy Pettitte gets rocked and can't make it back, will he take that as a message from God that He is DISPLEASED? Despite the prayers? My prayer is that he gives up 50 runs in his first outing, so we'll see WHO HAS THE POWER!

Andy Pettitte, the reluctant witness who was supposed to bolster the government's case against Roger Clemens, appeared instead to have substantially aided his former teammate and friend when he readily conceded he might have misunderstood their conversation about human growth hormone.

The doubt Pettitte acknowledged on cross-examination Wednesday sounded like a significant step back from his testimony the day before that "Roger had mentioned to me that he had taken HGH."

Clemens, a seven-time Cy Young Award winner, is accused of lying to Congress in 2008 when he said he never used steroids or HGH.

Prosecutors had hoped Pettitte, with no apparent motive to lie, would reinforce a case that otherwise relies heavily on Brian McNamee, a former strength coach for both Pettitte and Clemens who says he injected Clemens with steroids and human growth hormone.

So Pettitte's concession weakens the prosecution's effort to prove Clemens guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, University of Iowa law professor James Tomkovicz said in an email.

"The prosecution's case seems to rest pretty heavily on Andy Pettitte's account, and if he is in genuine doubt about what Roger Clemens said to him, there would seem to be a good chance that the jurors will also be in doubt," Tomkovicz said.

Sounding more like a defense witness, Pettitte allowed that he could have misunderstood the conversation, said to have taken place in 1999 or 2000.

Is it fair to say there is a "50-50" chance that Pettitte misunderstood? Clemens' lawyer asked.

"I'd say that's fair," Pettitte replied.

After Pettitte's testimony, the defense asked the judge to strike it. The defense will file a brief to support its position.

[Associated Press]

Why Don't You Just Cool Out And Shut Up?

In a battle between vanity and idiocy, what wins? How about another new word - VANICY. And look, here's someone who has it now...Demi Moore. Hard to figure out what bad trait wins this fight, but the loser is definitely the rest of the human race.

Look at this ditzy broad. Her husband leaves her, she passes out huffing nitrous, her career is not exactly on fire, she's got a family to take care of, and she just got out of rehab. With all this going on, she's thinking about her TWITTER feed! That's got to be about the 900th thing she should be worried about. Why doesn't she give it a freakin' rest for awhile and shut up? Get your life together girl. She's thanking everybody for helping her. Hey you're welcome.

She should be THRILLED right now. She got rid of that massive douche Ashton Kutcher. He's the most talentless idiot on the planet. Here he is spoofing a Bollywood producer. Hilarious! I hear he's planning on going into space too. There are quite a few people I'd like to see get a one way ticket to space and he's definitely one of them.

Next we'll have to read about how hard it is to be a star and the press is always bothering her, etc. COOL OUT AND SHUT UP. Celebrities should be paying me for this advice, but they probably won't. Bastards.

Demi Moore is officially no longer Mrs. Kutcher — on Twitter, at least.

Six months after her split from husband Ashton Kutcher, Moore finally dumped her @MrsKutcher handle for @JustDemi on Thursday.

"So hard finding a name that was fun somewhat playful and available. So for now it will be @justdemi. It could grow on me!" she tweeted. "Thanks everyone for your help in finding my new name!"

Moore had previously defended her decision not to change her handle. "Changing my Twitter name isn't a top priority right now," she tweeted shortly after their split. "Sorry it bothers so many of you. Should I not tweet until I do? Does it really matter?"

Moore and Kutcher confirmed their split in November. Since then, Moore had been relatively quiet on Twitter after entering rehab, but she has recently been promoting Lifetime's The Conversation, on which she serves as executive producer.

[tvguide.com]

Zombies Of The Sea

Another case where you have to read between the lines. It's not a cause for immediate concern? Really? These enormous bastards (doesn't seem right to call them SHRIMP?) are eating everything in their path, including the cute little shrimps we've all gotten used to eating at our local Chinese takeout joint. What's another word for cannibals? How about...zombies? Zombies are cannibals? Is this another stop on the evolutionary path that will result in the zombiefication of our planet? Of course it is! And they KNOW this, which is precisely why they are saying "don't worry, no cause for immediate concern." Because if people knew the truth they would panic and stop working. In the meantime, eat whatever shrimp you can before it's too late and they're all gone, because shrimp contain lots of nutrients that you'll need to have the energy to fight the endless onslaught of zombies before you are torn apart and eaten.

We’ve heard stories of lakes in America coming under attack from all sorts of invasive marine life, and now it looks like our oceans are under attack, too–from terrifying cannibal shrimp. Okay, so maybe cannibal shrimp aren’t terrifying, but they are becoming a problem. Asian tiger shrimp, as this 13-inch species of shrimp-eating shrimp is more commonly called, are native to the waters around Asia and Australia, but over the past few years a growing number of cannibal shrimp have turned up in the waters off American shores. The cannibal shrimp have been spotted along the east coast and the gulf coast for several years, and according to reports their numbers are growing significantly; according to a new report from the USGS, the Asian tiger shrimp population in America’s waters has increased 10 times between 2010 and 2011. “The Asian tiger shrimp represents yet another potential marine invader capable of altering fragile marine ecosystems,” NOAA marine ecologist James Morris said in a statement. “Our efforts will include assessments of the biology and ecology of this non-native species and attempts to predict impacts to economically and ecologically important species of the Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico.” While it’s not uncommon for people to dine on the cannibal shrimp–by some accounts, tiger shrimp make for good eating–some biologists are concerned about their peculiar eating habits. And while tiger shrimp are generally considered to be safe to eat, USGS biologist Pam Fuller points out that they are “very” disease-prone. The cannibal shrimp don’t present any immediate concern, but the USGS says it will continue researching what, exactly, the cannibal shrimp are eating in American waters, and how they got there in the first place.

[the inquisitr]