Jolly Good Show

My mom watches stuff like this and it makes me want to kill myself. Wedding related programming. Worth millions without ever working a day in their lives. And everybody is so happy for them, watching this crap and buying commemorative mugs. You know how you get Kate Middleton's signature glow? You make millions of dollars without ever working a day in your life. That gives you a glow. I'm so glad they are happy. It must be tough to be happy with all of their struggles. Having to navigate through their mansion without tripping over piles of cash and gold. Brutal. At least in the old days sometimes the queen would get her head chopped off. Now it's just boh-ring. Grrrrrr.

Prince William and wife Kate looked lovely again today as they attended a reception in London to celebrate the Scott-Amundsen Centenary Race to the South Pole, in support of The Royal British Legion. The royal couple will celebrate their first wedding anniversary on Sunday and it's expected to be private and low key. But a palace spokesman said today the two will get together with friends "who have a celebration" planned for the night before. Even though it's unclear exactly how the duke and duchess will celebrate, we do know that others are taking advantage of the happy occasion. Tetley tea is honoring the special day by offering a year's supply of Tetley tea to married couples with the names William and Kate. Whether they are Billy and Katie, Will and Katherine, or Wills and Kit, if the two legal first names are traditionally accepted versions of William and Catherine, they will be eligible to receive the prize. Guandong Enterprises is selling a special anniversary mug. Good Morning America's Deals and Steals honcho Tory Johnson announced special deals this morning to help "give you Kate Middleton's signature glow." TLC plans to air a special weekend of wedding-related programming. And E! has announced Giuliana Rancic will host a special, Kate & Will: Happily Ever After, premiering on Friday at 9 p.m. ET/PT.

[USA Today]

A Race Of Sniveling Cowards

I suppose this is no surprise, but still a disappointment. When you're young, you have the courage to question things, but as you get older, you hedge your bets. Do you think God is going to forget you were a wiseass when you were young? When you get old and say you believe God is going to forget the uppity young feller you were back then? I DON'T THINK SO. If there is a God he remembers all of it. So you are out of luck with this pathetic deathbed conversion plan, even though your religious advisor may encourage it to get that one big donation out of you before you cash in your chips.

Belief in God is highest among older people and increases with age, perhaps due to the growing realization that death is coming closer, University of Chicago researchers said on Wednesday. Summarizing data from surveys performed in 1991, 1998 and 2008 in 30 countries from Chile to Japan, the university's National Opinion Research Center found that, on average, 43 percent of those aged 68 and older were certain that God exists. By comparison, an average of 23 percent of people aged 27 and younger were firm believers in God, according to the report, which gathered data from the International Social Survey Program, a consortium of the world's leading opinion survey organizations. "Looking at differences among age groups, the largest increases in belief in God most often occur among those 58 years of age and older. This suggests that belief in God is especially likely to increase among the oldest groups, perhaps in response to the increasing anticipation of mortality," researcher Tom Smith said in a statement.

[Reuters]

The Robosexual Future Is Now

At this writing this is the top trending story online, which goes to show what the Internet is really all about. My question is - why is this all about robot PROSTITUTES? Can't we all just have these robots? Imagine how this will change everything, including marriage and dating? This could end the divorce epidemic, since people won't be compelled to get married to avoid ending up alone. Plus it will end the desperation epidemic, and probably hurt bar business since people will no longer have any reason to hang out till 4AM attempting to find true romance, or at least sex.

What about the male robots? Why only woman robots? Not really getting this either. Must innovation be confined to MEN who travel to pay for sex? Do they really deserve the benefits of this technology?

Finally, what about a new type of person that will PREFER sex with robots? I may need to coin another word to go along with IGNOGANT.

I've got it - ROBOSEXUAL. Use it in a sentence? Okay. In 100 years they will say "America was destroyed by a new master race of robosexuals as childbirth dwindled to zero." We end with a whimper, not a bang. Heh.

Sex workers in Amsterdam will have a hard time finding work if two New Zealand academics' vision of the future comes true.

"In 2050, Amsterdam's red light district will all be about android prostitutes who are clean of sexual transmitted infections, not smuggled in from Eastern Europe and forced into slavery, the city council will have direct control over android sex workers controlling prices, hours of operations and sexual services," write futurologist Ian Yeoman and sexologist Michelle Mars.

The duo's paper, Robots, Men And Sex Tourism, published in the journal Futures, centres on an imaginary future sex club in Amsterdam called Yub-Yum.

It posits that sex tourists will dish out big cash for all-inclusive robot sex romps.

This will be a big win for Amsterdam, they say, as the city will keep drawing huge swaths of randy tourists willing to empty their pockets, but avoid all the downsides, like drugs, violence and underage exploitation.

The sex-bots will even be made from bacteria resistant fibre, the Victoria University of Wellington academics predict.

[canoe technology]

Gingrich Rejected By Animals And Humans Alike

Talk about adding injury to insult. First the American public resoundingly rejects Gingrich and now this. You have to read between the lines here. This is presented like, oh, the penguin just happened to bite Newt. NO! That's not all there is to it by a longshot. You believe animals don't think? They don't know what's going on? Of course they do! This penguin saw Gingrich and was looking to swallow him whole, but he could only get a finger.

Not only that, but the animals are well aware of Gingrich's stupid zoo books and that pisses them off even more. You think animals like being in the zoo? NO again! If I were Newt Gingrich I would stick with the small fry, like goldfish. Let's see if he really visits another zoo anytime soon. His staffers may wise him up to the danger. If he's attacked by a polar bear don't say I didn't tell you so! Another accurate predication from America's leading prognosticator.

The message for Gingrich is clear, from man and beast alike - BRING US FOOD OR STAY HOME! We've all heard enough.

Things have not been going all that well for Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich lately, even at one of his favorite places - the zoo.

Newt was nipped on the finger by a penguin during a private tour of the famous St. Louis zoo on Friday before he spoke to the National Rifle Association convention, zoo officials confirmed on Monday.

Gingrich, who is trailing in the Republican race for the White House and is under pressure to withdraw, passed unscathed through Big Cat Country and avoided contact with the crocodiles in the Herpetarium. But his visit took a turn when a Magellanic penguin pecked at the candidate's hand.

"He was nipped on the finger by a penguin," zoo public relations director Susan Gallagher said. "A Band-Aid took care of the injury."

Gingrich vowed he would not shun zoos. "Newt is a zoo fan. He will be back," spokesman R. C. Hammond said.

The zoo allows people on private tours to get "up close and personal" with the birds.

Gingrich has made a habit of visiting zoos while running for president and wrote the forward for "America's Best Zoos: A Travel Guide for Fans & Families."

[Reuters]

Bad News For Rich Guys Going Through A Midlife Crisis

What does Aventador mean? Sounds like it means "adventure." So in a way you're getting what you pay for.

Seriously I always look at the sports cars that pass me and I see it's usually old guys driving them. Rewarding themselves for a lifetime of hard work and exploitation by making the roads unsafe for the rest of us.

Here's another thing. You're paying all this money for a really fast car. Where can you drive it? How often can you go more than 55? What's the point? Do these guys all take their cars to a secret place where they can go 150 mph? If not, what's the point?

What will these rich guys do, now that they can't get this new toy? Between this and getting their taxes raised they should definitely protest, like a Million White Middle Aged Guys In Ferraris March on Washington or something. These guys have a dream too, it just doesn't include minorities and the poor. Or illegal immigrants. Or a President named Obama.

I'm just glad the owner's okay. WINK!

A black Lamborghini Aventador burned itself up like a protesting Buddhist monk this morning in Southern California according to a poster on Luxury4Play. And here we thought self-immolation was a Ferrari trademark.

The owner is ok, but the gorgeous black bull is sadly a pile of blackened metal.

The car actually belongs to a dealer and was on a test drive, which led to this awesome pose from "Aventador Guy" and video of the fire.

We've got decent details on the fire thanks to an astute forum member who pulled down the information from a traffic site:

The "left rear wheel on fire" points to a non-collision incident, although it's too early to speculate what caused it.

Hopefully, this is just a one-off and not the start of a trend.

[jalopnik.com]

What's Wrong With The Truth?

You would like to believe there were some boundaries in a political campaign. Like you are not going to attack the other guy's family. But if the guy trots out his wife as an expert on "women and the economy" isn't it fair to discuss the wife's credentials?

This Rosen woman is right, what the hell does Ann Romney know about women and the economy? Nothing. There's nothing wrong with saying she's never worked a day in her life and everyone knows what that means. Everybody knows the distinction between "working women" and women who stay home and take care of five kids, and nobody would say the women who stay home don't "work."

And I'll tell you what else is true, if you have $100 million you have the luxury of making certain decisions, like having more kids because you know your wife can stay home and take care of them. Why can't rich people just come out and say "yeah I'm rich" instead of trying to compare themselves to people who aren't rich? How many women are in Ann Romney's shoes, and have access to this kind of money and get to live how they want to live? There's hard work and then there's hard work in a mansion. Come on. What's wrong with calling a spade a spade?

You know what was hard work for the Romneys? Buying everything they ever wanted. It's only April and I'm all agitated.

There's likely to be more buzz Thursday about Democratic strategist and DNC adviser Hilary Rosen's accusation that Ann Romney has never worked.

"Guess what, his wife has actually never worked a day in her life," Rosen told CNN's Anderson Cooper on Wednesday evening during an interview about the "war on women."

Moments later, Ann Romney made her debut on Twitter: @AnnDRomney. Her first and only Tweet as of early Thursday morning: "I made a choice to stay home and raise five boys. Believe me, it was hard work."

One of Rosen's responding Tweets @hilaryr: "Please know, I admire you. But your husband shouldn't say you are his expert on women and the economy."

There was bipartisan disapproval of Rosen's remark about Romney, including tweeted disapproval from President Barack Obama's campaign manager Jim Messina and top Obama campaign strategist David Axelrod.

[yahoo! news]

Boob Bummed As Focus Shifts From Boobs

I have written about J Love before and I will confess to having a crush on her. Wait, I mean I'd like to crush her. Wait, what I really mean is I would like to meet her, and crush her, but only if she doesn't talk. People talk about J Lo and that big butt. They can have her! I'm a J Love man. Every couple of years she threatens to get married and she blows it with her big mouth, yapping about relationships and what she needs and blah blah blah and then you realize why they make movies about axe murderers.

Look at this picture. She was going to pull up her shirt and someone told her not to. She looks so sad. Me too.

Anyway she's got a new show on, "The Client List," and even though it's on TV she is Oscar worthy as a poor woman forced into prostitution through poverty. So why are the folks promoting the show such a bunch of squares? Why would they imagine anyone would watch this show if they were not going to catch the full J Love boob effect? Did they think she was Meryl Streep? Give the people what they want! It would be great if they just focused on her boobs the whole time, like when she's talking it doesn't show her talking, it just shows her boobs. An Oscar would be inadequate to commemorate this.

The lesson here is that people are NEVER happy. You hire the woman with big boobs and then you shrink them down. The people that were in it for the big boobs will be disappointed and the other people, who can understand what they are all about anyway? Come on. Let's all cry freedom and let those things get some air.

Jennifer Love Hewitt got a breast reduction in ad ad for her new show “The Client List” running in Entertainment Weekly.

And she is not happy.

Identical ads for the ‘Party of Five’ star’s new show ran in The Hollywood Reporter and Entertainment Weekly. With one big difference.

The ad in EW had been digitally altered. In the THR ad, and all of the other ads using the image, Love Hewitt is significantly larger up top.

“Somebody sent me a copy of the photograph, and I was like, ‘Um, what happened?” she said on the radio on Friday. “I’m not quite sure what’s going on, but apparently somebody wanted me to have a boob reduction.”

Love Hewitt recently appeared on the cover of Maxim, telling the magazine her assets had served her well over the years.

Apparently someone at EW thought otherwise?

[fox411.com]

Octomom's Self Inflicted Plight Lands Her In The News Yet Again

See, isn't this why people don't have 14 children? Because if you have 14 kids you'll go broke and be unable to support them? Is it better to have 14 children and have this situation or use your judgement and not have 14 children? Bear in mind this woman had 6 kids BEFORE she became "octomom." If being a good mom means being unable to support your family then she is a good mom.

Has anybody seen the nude pictures? I heard she posed nude for some cash. Is she hot? What's the story? And where did that money go? How many of the children are demons, like this one in the picture? If you have 14 kids odds are at least one will be a demon.

Finally, is this really God's will or just plain stupid?

There are people who are famous for being famous and now we have people that are famous for excessive reproduction. What's next? There's a woman out there right now I've been hearing about who is famous for walking into a propellor. I've been trying to get famous for years and I have no luck at all. If somebody has an idea for me to get famous without going broke or getting hurt too badly please let me know.

Despite dire financial straits, octuplets mother Nadya Suleman said she is still capable of being a good mother and supporting her brood of 14 children.

In an interview with Matt Lauer on the "Today" show Thursday, the Orange County woman acknowledged that she is accepting food stamps as a temporary measure to make ends meet.

Suleman, who had vowed not to accept public assistance, said she has been accepting $2,000 a month in food stamps for the last two months. She said she has business ventures in the works to make money, including an online "Octomom TV" project and the release of a horror movie she starred in, "Millennium."

"I'm working as hard as I possibly can to support them," she said.

In response to a question about her financial condition deteriorating to the point that social services may be forced to break up her family, Suleman said, "That will never happen. I can guarantee you of that."

Suleman is also facing foreclosure on her La Habra home, but her attorney recently told City News Service that those proceedings could be delayed until late April.

[sfgate.com]

Most Of Your Life Is Going To Be A Drag

Life expectancy in the United States has surged to 78. So if you are happiest when you are 33, that leaves 45 grim years ahead of you. Plus if you had an unhappy childhood, even if you hit your stride when you get to 33, the vast majority of your life is going to be relatively unhappy, compared to this tiny sliver of happiness you will hit at 33.

Interesting that the article points out that happiness is correlated with the loss of innocence and the end of wild scheming. For me, the innocence made me happier and the wild scheming was great. When I got to be 33 my thinking was - "it's over, if you were going to get somewhere you would have gotten there already." That was my age of resignation. Given the crucifixion, I don't think Jesus was happiest when he was 33, and I don't care what this article says.

I wonder what the other 30% of the people said, in terms of when they were happiest. It would be funny if your happiest moment came right before you died. And that's what you were living for the whole time and you just had no clue. Hardy har har.

Have a nice day.

Here's a wildly simple, profoundly interesting question: At what age are you happiest? According to a recent survey, the answer is 33.

Friends Reunited, a U.K. website, found that 70 percent of respondents over the age of 40 said they did not find true happiness until they were 33 years old.

"[That age] is enough time to have shaken off childhood naivety and the wild scheming of teen-aged years without losing the energy and enthusiasm of youth," Donna Dawson, a psychologist, told Fox's Washington, D.C., affiliate. "Innocence has been lost, but our sense of reality is mixed with a strong sense of hope, a 'can do' spirit, and a healthy belief in our own talents and abilities."

As the site pointed out, Jesus Christ was crucified at age 33. Oh, and "33-year-old celebrities like Jennifer Love Hewitt, Maroon 5 front man Adam Levine and Katie Holmes seem to be enjoying a wealth of success right now."

[yahoo! news]