Monday, May 9, 2011

Tiger Woods Leads The U.S. Down In Golf

To complete the epic bummer he unleashed on his very own life, Tiger Woods, once the greatest American golfing robot who ever lived, is now a very human and mediocre eighth on the world's list of great golfers. Eighth is not that great. Not that close to first at all.

When Tiger was playing well, it seemed like every American and his mother picked up a set of clubs and played well. From Pittsburgh to Peioria. And places east and west. But now, golf seems to be out of fashion, at least with Americans who can actually play, since the Euros are taking a collective wedge to the head of every duffer born between Los Angeles and Portland, ME. Tiger's fall from grace is leading America down. You can see it. Plus now he's injured. And not just his pride, it's his Achilles' heel! Ahem. You get that? His Achilles' heel! Oh never mind.

But if you want to talk downers, this guy is Hall of Fame. Okay, you're Tiger Woods, worth a billion dollars, banging hookers and partying all over the place, married to a woman who is better looking than all of those sluts combined, and then WHAMMO! You're arguing, taking a few pills and trying to crash, next minute she's got that club in her hand and she's hitting you HARD and chasing you and you try to get away and you belch and you're slightly blinded by the blood in your eyes and then you are driving into a tree and woofing into an airbag. And then he has to go on TV and apologize. Woooooowwwww!

Some day he will tell that story for real.
Tiger Woods has dropped to eighth in the world golf rankings after being overtaken by Paul Casey of England.

Casey moved up to seventh in the Official World Golf Ranking released Monday despite missing the cut last week at the Wells Fargo Championship. Woods skipped the event because of knee and Achilles’ tendon injuries.

WORLD RANKING
Europeans now occupy six of the top seven slots in the Official World Golf Ranking.

1. Lee Westwood
8.07

2. Martin Kaymer
7.42

3. Luke Donald
7.33

4. Phil Mickelson
6.59

5. Graeme McDowell
5.65

6. Rory McIlroy
5.44

7. Paul Casey
5.39

8. Tiger Woods
5.36

9. Steve Stricker
5.33

10. Matt Kuchar
5.26

Fourth-ranked Phil Mickelson of the United States is now the only non-European player in the top seven.

No. 1 Lee Westwood's decision not to play at the Players Championship this week -- sixth-ranked Rory McIlroy is also skipping golf's richest event -- means he could lose top spot to Martin Kaymer, Luke Donald or Mickelson.

Kaymer would need to finish first or second on Sunday, while Donald and Mickelson -- neither of whom has ever led the rankings -- would have to win.

Woods has now fallen so far that even if he was to record his first victory anywhere since November 2009, he could climb only as high as fourth.

[www.pga.com]

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