Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Descent of Man

Most of us are on a slippery slope that slowly and inexorably leads to rock bottom.

Others aren't so lucky.



[YouTube]

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Zombies Rule All Media As Other Ideas Run Out Of Steam

This is a story about Brad Pitt making this new movie, "World War Z." I just read the book and it's great. Tracks the war on zombies from beginning to what can resemble an end. I guess Brad Pitt is in there to prove he is not just another pretty face. He can really act. When you're in there with zombies, that's when you have to forget about acting school type exercises and convey some REAL emotion. It's not like Shakespeare, where you have to pay attention to what they're saying. The essential elements of zombie stories and films are non-verbal, and there's no way to fake it. You would never see Laurence Olivier or that ilk in a zombie film because their so called acting would be exposed as so much fluff. No room for ego here.

New season of "The Walking Dead." New show, "Death Valley." I just saw an episode. Nothing new but not bad.

So what is the endless, and I mean ENDLESS, appeal of zombie-based entertainment? I can't even keep up with it all and I really try. I finally saw the "Zombie Stripper" movie. I need to catch the latest George Romero film, had a very short run in the theatres, and then I think I'm all caught up.

Is it how we see ourselves? How we see others? Both? Is it a reflection of our world, where inhumanity triumphs and people mindlessly wander the aisles looking for the next video game or oat bran bread that will change their lives? Where we can't find any inner peace because of our relentless materialism and selfishness? Or a reflection of our inability to deal with any real problems beyond feeding ourselves?

Whoever can figure it out let me know, "Zombieland" is on and I have to watch it again. Some good scenes in there.
Dreamboat movie star Brad Pitt saved a “World War Z” extra from being trampled during filming, reports The Scottish Sun.

Pitt, who stars as a United Nations employee in the zombie apocalypse film, was filming a scene in which 700 extras tear through George Square in Glasgow, Scotland, on Wednesday. During the scene, a woman fell down, putting herself in danger of being run over by her fellow extras.

But Pitt, a real-life hero, swooped in and brought her to her feet.

"Lots of people hurt themselves, and Brad came to the rescue of a woman who slipped," a witness told the paper of the fleeing-from-zombies scene. "I don't think she could believe it when Brad picked her up. He didn't have time to speak to her as it was mid-shoot. But she said afterwards how grateful she was, despite having a badly-grazed knee.”

Other extras also received "bumps and scrapes" during the elaborate take. After a string of injuries occurred on set, filming was paused for a "safety talk," The Sun reported.

Pitt's sci-fi thriller will be released in December 2012.

[cnn.com]

Monday, August 29, 2011

Wealthy Do Nothings Can't Spare Water For Tom Jones

They don't have enough water for Tom Jones? Have you ever seen Tom Jones perform? I used to watch him when he had a regular TV show. That guy needs WATER. Come on, he is a human ball of energy, almost combustible. He sweats more through one song than the average man sweats in a 15 round boxing match.

These guys are soaking up the Cristal and Tom Jones is in the hospital. I declare war on Monaco! Like they have declared war on our aging but still soulful entertainers. Stacks of chips up the ying yang but a glass of ice water for Tom Jones? NO.

Maybe he wasn't enough of a high roller to get water? That's how it works sometimes. There's that velvet rope and nothing beyond, at least for me. I'm just a sailor. You would think it was different for Tom Jones, but I'm told he's a man of humble origins. Bastards.
Tom Jones was in hospital in Monaco on Sunday, officials said, but his website denied suggestions that he was suffering from heart trouble.

Officials in the tiny principality said the 71-year-old singer was undergoing treatment at the Princess Grace hospital but had left the emergency room as his "condition does not cause concern".

The singer's official website said he had been taken to hospital suffering from "severe dehydration," dismissing newspaper reports that he was suffering from heart problems.

"Sir Tom was ordered not to perform in Monte Carlo yesterday evening, due to severe dehydration.

"This was extremely disappointing for Tom, the band and all connected with the tour. This was the last date of a very successful three month tour, where many of the shows were in locations that were in the throes of high summer heat.

[AFP]

If at First You Don't Succeed

It's one thing to steal a bunch of snakes and shove them down your pants, but to shove a rack of baby-back ribs down there is downright disgusting.

From the you can’t make this up file, a Carlisle man is charged with trying to steal a pack of ribs by putting them down his pants for the second time.

Donald Noone, 65 of Carlisle, was highly intoxicated when he attempted to steal the ribs from the Giant Food Store in Carlisle on Sunday.

On May 22, Noone was also arrested for trying to steal a pack of ribs from the store while intoxicated.

Noone was charged with public drunkenness and retail theft, and also charged for a subsequent offense since this is the second incident.

[CBS 21]

Hurricanes and Shark Attacks: Blame Obama

If your house is flooded with water right now (or should you become a shark snack), you should direct your anger at Mr. Hopey-Changey.

Students of democratic politics have long believed that voters punish incumbents for hard times. Governments bear the responsibility for the economy in the modern era, so that replacing incompetent managers with capable alternatives appears to be a well-informed, rational act. However, this vision of a sophisticated retrospective electorate does not bear close examination. We find that voters regularly punish governments for acts of God, including droughts, floods, and shark attacks. As long as responsibility for the event itself (or more commonly, for its amelioration) can somehow be attributed to the government in a story persuasive within the folk culture, the electorate will take out its frustrations on the incumbents and vote for out-parties. Thus, voters in pain are not necessarily irrational, but they are ignorant about both science and politics, and that makes them gullible when ambitious demagogues seek to profit from their misery. Neither conventional understandings of democratic responsiveness nor rational choice interpretations of retrospective voting survive under this interpretation of voting behavior.

[The Monkey Cage]

Sunday, August 28, 2011

American Parents Can't Be Bothered - Doom Assured For Next Generation

Chinese parents are whipping their kids into shape with math tests and American moms are watching reality TV. This will affect the working landscape for years to come, as entitled Americans wail against learning Spanish or anything while the new wave of immigrants manages to actually get off their collective fat ass and parent their children. And prepare them for the competitive environment out there.

This woman can't be bothered to get up because she's watching a "Real Housewives" marathon. Her kids should be placed in a foster home. Pathetic lazy crap. She's freaking tired. Her kids asked to be born, right? She was FORCED to have kids. This is why we're in the shape we're in.

Plus this shiftless twat is giving advice, peddling her lifestyle like a beggar in a sweatsuit that you avoid on your way to the train. You had children and they want to spend time with you? Really? You did not anticipate that? There's no shortage of strippers, and now you know why.
I make no apology for the fact that my toddler has a TV in his room for one very simple reason:

Kids love TV and parents love that kids love TV.

I mean, I know I do.

I don't view moderate TV consumption as a lazy parenting thing; I view it as a sanity-preserving thing.

My son loves TV just like every toddler. I can pretend that he only ever watches TV on weekends or that the shows he watches are purely educational but I'd be totally lying. While I indeed limit the amount of TV my toddler views on any given day, there are specific times I allow – heck, downright encourage TV viewing.

Just last week my fellow Toddler Times blogger Jean asked the question, Does Your Toddler Watch TV?

BooBoo goes to bed at 8 p.m. sharp every night – yep, even on weekends, holidays, full moons and leap years. We don't send him to bed like clockwork because we're such awesome parents, oh heck no. We do it because we have to; he needs the sleep. After bath time, book time and cuddle time, if BooBoo's especially tired and cranky I'm known to bust out a favorite Peep and the Big Wide World DVD. I turn the volume way down, shut off the light and get my grumpy toddler all nice and cozy. Usually within minutes my boy is off to sleep and there's peace in the Mommyfriend household once again. Winning!

As far as weekend mornings go, I'm taking them back! Ever since BooBoo finally began sleeping through the night I made the decision to preserve my sleep whenever possible. Thanks to my toddler's TV I can.

Picture it: Saturday morning, 5:30 a.m., I awake to a messy haired boy breathing on my face. He's ready to party – I'm not. Please, I stayed up way too late watching the Real Housewives marathon and I'm freaking tired. I stumble into his bedroom, trip on a Hot Wheel and pop in a Disney DVD. I stumble back to my room, trip on the same Hot Wheel and fall into a comatose sleep for another 90 glorious minutes until I hear the dreaded, "IT'S O-VER!" from that little person down the hall. That's my cue to get up and start the day and why not, it's 7 a.m. on a Saturday and by my toddler's clock, the day is half over.

[babble.com]

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Just In Case, Goodbye

Is it the end? Last week earthquake, this week hurricane? I'm a seafaring man, I've seen it all, but most East Coast landlubbers are quaking in their boots like an all girls kindergarten class right about now. Buying Evian and tins of caviar. Disgrazia.

But this may be the end. I've noticed the weather is definitely turning to extremes, on an annual basis. Unlike the halcyon days of my yout'. Way back when the hurricane came up here and we said fuck off and that hurricane said "okay." This time, I don't know. My dog is refusing to go out. Which means a house full of shit on top of whatever else. But you can't be mad. I wouldn't send a night out on a dog like this. I mean, I wouldn't send a dog out on a knight like this. Come on already.

So let me say I love you all. I don't mean it, I'm just saying it. If we all move on to the next life together I hope to see you there. And if not I hope I don't end up with a mouth full of dirt. Thanks.
Weaker but still menacing, Hurricane Irene knocked out power and piers in North Carolina, clobbered Virginia with wind and churned up the coast Saturday to confront cities more accustomed to snowstorms than tropical storms. New York City emptied its streets and subways and waited with an eerie quiet.

With most of its transportation machinery shut down, the Eastern Seaboard spent the day nervously watching the storm's march across a swath of the nation inhabited by 65 million people. The hurricane had an enormous wingspan — 500 miles, its outer reaches stretching from the Carolinas to Cape Cod — and packed wind gusts of 115 mph.

Almost a million homes and businesses were without power. While it was too early to assess the full threat, Irene was blamed for five deaths.

The hurricane stirred up 7-foot waves, and forecasters warned of storm-surge danger on the coasts of Virginia and Delaware, along the Jersey Shore and in New York Harbor and Long Island Sound. In the Northeast, drenched by rain this summer, the ground is already saturated, raising the risk of flooding.

[Associated Press]

Friday, August 26, 2011

Dear MLK: Why Does My Husband Beat Me?

If you're anything like the Captain, you too previously knew nothing of the fact that America's greatest civil rights leader once moonlighted as an advice columnist.

He had some pretty interesting advice for women.

[F]or a little over a year between 1957 and 1958, [Ebony magazine] published a [Martin Luther] King-penned series called “Advice for Living.” At the time, King was just starting to come to international prominence: In February 1957, he made his first appearance on the cover of Time, thanks to his leadership of the Montgomery bus boycott. He had already appeared in Ebony numerous times when the magazine’s editors, inspired — and overwhelmed — by the volume of mail addressed to King, asked him to pen an advice column. “Let the man that led the Montgomery boycott lead you into happier living,” read an advertisement in Ebony’s sister publication, Jet.

[...]

“Advice for Living” was ... remarkable in terms of its content. King did not purport to have all the answers, and, for the most part, avoided making blanket condemnations, perhaps because of the dualities and hypocrisies in his own life. In response to one reader, a preacher’s wife concerned by the amount of female attention bestowed upon her husband, King said, “Almost every minister has the problem of confronting women in his congregation whose interests are not entirely spiritual ... but if he carries himself in a manner representative of the highest mandates of Christian living, his very person will discourage their approaches.”

“Remember, this was an era when a common joke was that any upstanding preacher negotiated with the deacon board for a salary, parsonage and pick of the choir,” says Taylor Branch, author of the prize-winning trilogy “America in the King Years.” “But he couldn’t talk about that, because he was trying to make his name known and establish a record of wholesome conservative values for the civil rights movement.”

[...]

King’s response to a cheated-on wife was to suggest that she “study” her rival to learn what her husband wanted in a woman. (“Are you careful with your grooming? Do you nag?” he asked.) He informed an unmarried woman grappling with whether to have sex that “real men still respect purity and virginity” and instructed an abused wife to determine whether there was anything within her personality to justify such treatment. “Are you sure that you have a radiating personality, a pleasant disposition, and that feminine charm which every man admires?” he asked a Miss Lonelyhearts. To a newlywed having troubles with her mother-in-law, he remarked, “There is an expression that no home is big enough to have two women at its head.”

[Washington Post]

Is That a Boa Constrictor in Your Pocket, ...

... or are you just glad to see me?

MESA, AZ - Police say a man walked into a pet store and left with thousands of dollars of rare snakes in his shorts.

Eric Fiegel, 22, was arrested after he was caught on camera taking a several snakes, including at least one Albino Boa Constrictor, said Mesa police Sgt. Ed Wessing.

He was leaving with them in his cargo shorts at Predator's Reptile Center pet store, Wessing said.

Some of the snakes are reportedly valued at around $1,000.

Wessing said Fiegel took the snakes to another reptile store in the area and sold them for $175 in store credit and a 60 gallon reptile tank valued at $175.

He said investigators believe Fiegel stole snakes from the Predator's Reptile Center three times.

Two of those times are shown in security recordings, Wessing said.



[abc15.com]

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hurricane Irene - A Public Service Announcement

Here's the advice they are not giving. Talking about water and food. You're not going to starve. Thing is, you may be stuck in the house with your loved ones for days without power. That's the real threat. Just what we need on top of everything else. A hurricane. Next up, locusts. So my advice - you better stock up on booze. Everybody else will be going after water and food so you'll probably have some time, but don't wait TOO long.

Also would be good to know local bars that are committed to staying open throughout the hurricane no matter what. Look for places where the owners are putting up plywood and spray painting "open all night" on there. Those are your safe places.

If they run out of booze and everyplace caves in and closes, you'll be happy you stocked up now. Can you imagine a combination of a hurricane and a zombie attack? That could happen too. If you're buying booze you should probably load up on ammo and cigars too. Some stores sell all three.

A public service announcement from Daily Downers.
Hurricane Irene is barreling toward the New York area, and will likely wallop the city with winds of up to 50 mph and 4 to 8 inches of rain this weekend.

Weather watchers nudged her track a bit farther east yesterday afternoon, predicting that Irene's eye -- the center of the storm -- will pass over Montauk, bringing winds between 90 and 110 mph.

Heavy rainfall is expected to start after midnight Saturday night and last until Sunday evening.

"The sense is that we're going to be facing a strong tropical storm in New York City, which would bring winds from 40 to 50 to 60 miles per hour and could bring rain from 6 to 12 inches," he said.

In Springfield Gardens, Queens, rain almost always brings flooding -- and the advancing hurricane set residents scrambling to be ready.

"I'm stocked up on food and canned goods," said Allen Ortiz. He has built a cinderblock wall several inches high to keep his driveway from flooding, and set up two pumps to clear water out of his basement.


[NY Daily News]

He's No Rocket Scientist

Sounds like this surgeon suffered some brain damage himself somewhere down the line.

A British paramedic suffered permanent brain damage after a surgeon removed part of his brain during an operation he did not even need.

John Tunney requires 24-hour care after the surgeon carrying out his biopsy removed healthy brain tissue instead of a tumor, the Coventry Telegraph reported Tuesday.

Afterwards, blood tests revealed that the operation, which took place at University Hospital in the central English city of Coventry in 2008, was unnecessary because the harmless tumor could have been controlled with drugs.

[...]

His wife Pamela Tunney said, "John's brain injury has had devastating effects on him. Prior to the surgery he was a very easy going person who was always active and on the go. To see the change in him and to know that it was all entirely avoidable is extremely upsetting."

She added, "It is appalling to think that the surgeon managed to botch the procedure completely -- and then to find that the biopsy wasn't even necessary makes me incredibly angry."

[...]

"The fact the surgeon managed to remove perfectly healthy tissue rather than a sample of the tumor tissue is, in itself, an appalling error," [Tunney's lawyer Timothy] Deeming said. "To then find the procedure was totally unnecessary because clinicians had failed to review a blood test, really does add insult to injury."

[FoxNews]

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Death, Inevitable

This is very sad to me personally in a complex way so I will try to explain. I'm a Mets fan and over the years my good friends and I made trips down to Philly by land air and sea to go to the games. Now without a doubt Philadelphia fans are the biggest jerks ever (a generalization). But Philadelphia counts as a real city, in part because of guys like this...and I have to give my respect.

And also, wise guys will say that cheesesteak = heart attack but really, the guy sold cheesesteaks and it was up to you to use your good judgment to eat 2 and not 12 cheesesteaks a week, no? He was probably stressed out from running his business. I don't think diet caused it.

I went to Fenway with my friends and one of them wore METS regalia, and this was AFTER the Mets won the 1986 World Series. We were out there on the metal roof in right field hanging out and went down to field level and these Boston guys bought us beers. I cannot imagine that happening in Philadelphia.

And I don't like Boston either but looking back they didn't club us. Totally cool at Fenway, as was Jillian's, although they would not sell me a shot and a beer at the same time. Against Boston law.

Anyway, my mind wanders. Hats off to Joey. Here's that bell, it tolls for thee.

From my lawyer - this is not an endorsement of cheesesteaks.
Joey Vento, the owner of a landmark south Philadelphia cheesesteak stand who told customers to order in English, has died at age 71.

Vento's nephew Joseph Perno, a manager at Geno's Steaks, told The Associated Press that Vento had a massive heart attack and died Tuesday. He said family members had just gotten out of the hospital and wouldn't be making any immediate statements.

In November, Perno said Vento had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer a few months earlier and was to have surgery at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York City.

Longtime friend Domenic Chiavaroli told the Philadelphia Daily News and The Philadelphia Inquirer that Vento had been at the cheesesteak stand Tuesday morning, as he was every morning before opening, but went home to Shamong, N.J., later in the day and told his wife that he wasn't feeling well.

"I've been coming here since 1967," Chiavaroli said. "Joe was a good guy. He always tried to help everybody."

[Associated Press]

Who Says Romance is Dead?

It's nice to see there is still at least one man out there willing to do anything to get the woman of his dreams.

BROWNHELM TOWNSHIP, OH (WOIO) -
Police are looking for the sex-crazed loser who crashed a stolen semi-truck into an adult store early Monday morning, and swiped a very expensive XXX toy.

[...]

Cops say the sexual deviant wasn't screwing around either, once he drove the big rig into the Lorain County store he headed straight for an $800 sex toy.

It is described as a life-like masturbator complete with female genitalia with legs and buttocks.

[...]

Once the freak [saw] the cops, he jumped out of the truck and ran down some nearby railroad tracks, getting away.



[WOIO]

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Too Blotto to Baptize

Too bad Jesus didn't turn this priest's wine to water.

A Sacramento priest has been suspended from active ministry after parents complained that he appeared drunk Saturday during a church baptism.

[...]

[The Rev. Julian] Medina, 64, arrived an hour late for the afternoon ceremony in which he was to preside over the baptism of 15 children. The priest slurred his words, had difficulty walking and later fell down, according to witnesses.

"We apologize to the families who had to experience this incident," said the Rev. Santiago Raudes, canon lawyer for the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento. A church deacon was called in to finish the baptism.

About 150 people were at the church for the sacrament, according to Raudes. After Medina fell, church members carried the priest to the rectory.

[Sacramento Bee]

Get a Grip

This unlucky stuntman suffered one hell of a bringdown.

U.S. officials are investigating the Selfridge Air Show accident on Sunday, in which stuntman Todd Green fell 200 feet from the airplane to his death.

[...]

Green's colleague Kyle Franklin told AP that Green was "very good at it" and performed it successfully "many, many times."

[...]

Green was attempting a stunt in which he stands on a small airplane and transfers himself to a helicopter by grabbing on the helicopter's skid. In the fatal accident, the stuntman appears to have lost his grip and then fallen to his death.



[International Business Times]

Monday, August 22, 2011

Angry At Branson, Heavens Unleash Lightning And Barely Miss Winslet

The building was completely destroyed. I got this off of WikiPedia.

Branson's business empire is owned by a complicated series of offshore trusts and companies. The Sunday Times stated that his wealth is calculated at £3.065 billion; if he were to retire to his Caribbean island and liquidate all of this he would pay relatively little in tax.

His biography points out several humanitarian causes and his label did sign the Sex Pistols, but he is a rich tax avoiding type guy and there may be a message in this. In any case a downer for Kate Winslet. This kind of thing would totally blow my vacation.
British Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet was among the guests who escaped unhurt from a fire which swept through Richard Branson's Caribbean holiday retreat overnight, the billionaire said on Monday.

Branson said the blaze was caused by a lightning strike on The Great House on Necker Island, and that the building was completely destroyed.

Branson, his wife Joan and son Sam were staying in a nearby property, but among those who fled the affected building were 35-year-old Winslet, her boyfriend and family, Branson's mother Eve and his daughter Holly.

"Around 20 people were in the house and they all managed to get out and they are all fine," Branson said in comments released to the British media.

"We had a really bad tropical storm with winds up to 90 miles per hour. A big lightning storm came around 4 a.m. and hit the house.

[Reuters]

Placentas: Latest Food Craze

Looks pretty tasty, doesn't it?

Jennifer Hughes’s placenta was delivered ten minutes after her first child, just before midnight on March 31. It was on the large side, with a liverish texture and a bluish tinge; it measured nine inches in diameter and weighed a pound and a half.

[...]

[I]n the birth plan that Hughes brought with her to Beth Israel Medical Center, she specified that she wanted to keep her placenta, for cultural reasons. Complying with New York State health regulations, which says that hospitals “may, at the request of a patient or patient’s representative, return a healthy placenta for disposition by the patient,” the hospital allowed her to take it home, and even packed it up for her.

In some cultures, it is customary to bury the placenta and plant a tree over it.

Hughes had other plans. She was going to eat it.

[...]

[Jennifer] Mayer—an upbeat, blue-eyed blonde from upstate New York—is a professional placenta-preparer. Her job is to transform placentas into supplements that are said to alleviate postpartum depression, aid in breastmilk production and lactation, act as a uterine tonic, and replenish nutrients lost during pregnancy. Her clients are mostly middle-class, like Hughes and her husband, Doug, who are college-educated, in their thirties, and live on a gentrifying street in Crown Heights.

[...]

Mayer, who also works as a massage therapist and doula, first became interested in placentas as a student at the University of Colorado. After reading up on the purported benefits of consuming one’s afterbirth and learning that a client was planning to try it, Mayer decided that she wanted to offer her customers placenta capsules: dried, ground afterbirth packaged into a clear pill no bigger than a regular vitamin supplement.

[...]

“They’re happy pills,” Mayer says. “They’re made by your body, for your body. Why wouldn’t you want to try?”

[...]

For Alexa Beckham, a petite brunette who started [a placenta] encapsulation service called Ruby Tree Birth late last year, the science, or lack thereof, has little impact on the magic she experienced.

“When I was pregnant, I just craved organs,” says Beckham, a onetime vegan and raw-foodist who now eats grass-fed and organic meat. “I’d go to Diner [the Williamsburg restaurant] and order beef hearts, marrow … so the placenta just made sense.

“After I gave birth, I threw a chunk of placenta in the Vitamix with coconut water and a banana,” she adds. “It gave me the wildest rush. You know the feeling of drinking green juice on an empty stomach? It’s like that, but much more intense. It was definitely physical.”

[...]

Back in Hughes’s kitchen, Mayer takes the placenta she dehydrated the day before and grinds it up in a Magic Bullet blender. Wearing a surgical mask, she says, joking, “I don’t want to breathe in placenta.” She then pours the nutmeg-colored powder into a pill-making kit and seals the capsules, several dozen at a time. The entire batch will take her just over an hour and produce about 150 pills.

[...]

Hughes and her husband, Doug, have come home with their newborn son after spending the night in the hospital. They sit on their couch, depleted, while the baby sleeps.

[...]

Mayer takes a bit of dehydrated, cooked placenta she saved and ceremoniously places a portion in their open palms. The pieces are brown, shriveled, and brittle—like old shoe leather left out in the sun.

The new parents toast each other, giggle nervously, and begin to chew. The crunch is audible across the room, and they wince slightly at the sound.

“So, what do you think?” Mayer asks.

“It tastes like jerky,” Doug says. “Dry, gamy, bland jerky.”

[New York Magazine]

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Can He Type?

What a raw deal this is. Burger King has a decline and they blame this guy? Why is it his fault? When the executives mess up, blame the mascot? For the failed vision? The undercooked cheese? The less than crispy fries? COME ON!

You think YOU have problems, look at this fucking guy. What kind of job can HE get? He's going to be a distraction in most places. I can't imagine him coming on the ship with me. We would hurt ourselves laughing. Maybe he can sell that ring?

If this is how corporate America treats its plastic figurine type guys imagine how they are going to treat YOU. There's no mention of a severance package. Plus his residuals are over. Get ready to climb over another drunken bum with a big plastic head on your way to work in the morning.
Fast-food chain Burger King is making a 180 degree shift in its marketing, with a decision to drop its "King" mascot and focus on — sit down before you read this! — product.

For years, Burger King had placed its bets on edgy commercials by creative powerhouse Crispin Porter + Bogusky, targeting men in their teens and 20s. Crispin's campaigns got a lot of attention, and plaudits from the advertising community. Unfortunately, however, advertising awards don't necessarily translate into sales, and Burger King has been badly lagging main rival McDonald's. According to consulting firm Technomic, Burger King's same-store sales declined 6% in the first quarter; compare that to a 3% rise for Mc Donald's.

This discrepancy in performance is not the result of McDonald's having more "creative" advertising or a hipper mascot (Ronald Mc Donald is many things — hip he's not). But while Burger King was trying to sell consumers an edgy brand image, McDonald's focused on something much more mundane: selling burgers, fries and coffee. The rest is marketing history.

Now, under new ownership, and with a new management and marketing team, Burger King is focusing on what matters: updating the stores, fixing its food and changing its image. As Alex Maccedo, SVP, marketing, put it to USA Today: "People want a reason to go back to Burger King ... There are no plans to bring the King back anytime soon."
[Forbes]

Friday, August 19, 2011

Dump Trucks: Not Intended as Hearse/Mass Transit Hybrid Vehicles

What do you get when you crowd one dead person in a dump truck with a several dozen mourners?

A damaged coffin and more dead people!

Malfunctioning brakes caused a municipal dump truck to speed downhill and fall on its side in Barili town, south Cebu, killing eleven people in a large group of mourners on their way to a funeral yesterday.

The accident left at least 49 injured, many of them relatives and neighbors of the 68-year-old woman whose coffin they were accompanying to the St. Anne Parish Church in the town proper for a requiem Mass at 2 p.m.

The government truck was borrowed as a funeral hearse, a common cost-saving practice in rural areas where families can’t afford to hire their own vehicles.

Eleven passengers were killed by the impact, including a 60-year-old woman.

[...]

The funeral of Tranquilina Diagbil finally took place later in the afternoon. Another truck picked up the damaged coffin and brought it to the town proper for burial, according to the mayor’s staffer Salome Merelos.

[Inquirer News]

Rude Awakening

Some women wake their beaus with sweet kisses and tender words. Others prefer to use explosives.

A 36-year-old woman lost three fingers early Sunday when she tried to wake up her boyfriend with fireworks.

The woman and her boyfriend told the Gainesville Police Department that they had been drinking before the incident at the Georgetown apartments. The woman said she was holding a fireworks novelty item in her hand when she lit the fuse. She had been planning to toss the device out the front door, thinking it would make enough noise to wake her boyfriend.

Instead, the device exploded in her hand, tearing off her thumb, middle and ring fingers. The blast was so powerful that police said they found one bone remnant embedded in the ceiling.

The woman was taken to Shands at the University of Florida. Her boyfriend told police he did not realize that the couple had any fireworks left over from the Fourth of July. He also said the woman’s actions were out of character.

[Gainesville Sun]

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Mediocre Actress Confirms Link Between Great Breasts And Marrying Wealthy Men

I've always suspected that billionaires prefer good looking women with great breasts, but this really nails it. She prayed for big breasts and she got them, and now she's married to a guy with so much money that he's shelling out cash for kids he's having with every hot model he can bang.

You would think billionaires would be interested in more substantial things, but that isn't true. It's the looks and the big breasts. Anyone evaluating Salma Hayek would have to notice she has been in precisely ONE decent movie, "Frida," and she has been in dozens of films. So if the billionaire was looking for a talented or interesting actress to marry, he wouldn't be with HER. Proves on this level the looks and big breasts are the deciding factor.

For her part, Salma was able to hook the big fish, and it's obvious from her comments in this article that she is interested in the perks that come with marrying a billionaire. She doesn't say anything about actually liking the guy. They just seem made for each other.

You may be asking yourself, so what is the downer here? Well for one thing, if you're an average looking flat chested woman you are not going to be able to marry a billionaire, even if you really want to. And if you're a billionaire it's kind of a drag that the big breasts may not be attached to a really good actress, which proves money can't buy absolutely EVERYTHING. Bastards.
You have to hand it to Salma Hayek. When it comes to the subject of her breasts, she's certainly ready to talk about them.

In the upcoming issue of Allure, the curvy Latina explains her upper half is not as good as it was 10 years ago. We should all have such problems.

"They're not bad ... I'm not complaining about them," the 44-year-old actress says.

This isn't the first time she's spoken up about what's up top. In a 2007 interview, Hayek explains that they were actually an act of God.

During a vacation in her native Mexico with her mother, Hayek said the two stopped at a church. That's when The Almighty stepped in.

"When we went inside, I prayed for the miracle I wanted to happen. I put my hands in holy water and said: 'Please God, give me some breasts,'" Hayek said. "And he gave me them!"

In the Allure interview, the Oscar-nominated actress also seems to like being the wife of a multi-billionaire -- French businessman François-Henri Pinault.

"I never understood the point of being privileged if you don't get to have the privileges," she says. (Not mentioned: The battle Pinault is currently engaged in with model Linda Evangelista over child support for their 4-year-old son.)
[Zap2it]

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Pastor Burnt to Crisp for His Invisible Penis

It's one thing to go around town talking to animals and turning your wife into a snail, but when you start sleeping with all the local ladies using your magic invisible penis, you can expect to burn.

Malelane - Eleven villagers accused of setting a pastor alight after accusing him of using a magic penis to sleep with women still don't know whether they'll face trial or not.

[...]

Initially, 12 villagers, aged between 28 and 50, were arrested in February after Albert Malwane, a pastor of the Izwi Zion Christian Church in Jeppes Reef outside Malalane, was burnt to death a day before.

One of them, Sunnyboy Mthalala, died on May 16 after complaining of painful and swollen feet. He also vomited blood.

[...]

Malwane was dragged from his one-roomed house in the Etitandini informal settlement near Jeppes Reef south of Malalane and taken to a hill, where he was set alight.

Malwane's house was also burnt and his wife and daughter went into hiding.

Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement.

They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community.

The 11 accused have not been asked to plead to charges of murder and arson and are all out on R1 000 bail each.

They are expected to appear [in court] on September 29.

[News24]

Monday, August 15, 2011

Homemade Missiles Not as Safe as Once Thought

This is what happens when a once great superpower slashes its military budget.

Americans, consider yourselves warned.

RUSSIAN authorities were today probing the freak death of a woman killed by a homemade missile launched by her husband.

The victim was looking on as her aviation-enthusiast spouse assembled his makeshift rocket in a field, RIA Novosti reported.

But the launch when horribly wrong when the missile blasted off and veered toward her, striking the woman in the head.

[...]

"During the launch, the model rocket veered off course and hit his wife in the head. The woman died in the hospital," investigators said today.

The 42-year-old husband, who works for an aviation company, could face up to two years in prison for manslaughter, the state-owned Russian news agency said.

[News.com.au]


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Pathetic Rehash Of Old Ideas Means The End Is Near

There are no more ideas. We are fresh out. All they can do is crank out movies based on...old movies, comic books, or movies already made from old comic books. There is that joke about a million chimpanzees sitting in a room typing for a million years until one chimp types out "Hamlet." The truth is the million chimps have exhausted almost every corner of their minds and there is nothing left. No new ideas. Just when we really need them!

The good news is that the "Apes" film outdrew "The Help." Another civil rights story. Yawn. We all know how it turns out, it's a feel good story with equal rights for all. It's great that America solved the race problem but how many movies can you watch about it? Racism = problem solved. Boh-ring.

Damn them all to hell, all those early humans who burned up all the really good ideas. Damn them all to HELL!

Rebellious apes have held off Southern maids for a narrow win at the weekend box office.

Studio estimates Sunday pegged "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" at $27.5 million, good enough for its second-straight No. 1 finish. The 20th Century Fox release raised its 10-day domestic total to $104.9 million.

The "Planet of the Apes" prequel came in just ahead of "The Help," a drama about Mississippi maids during the civil-rights movement that debuted at No. 2 with $25.5 million. "The Help," a DreamWorks release distributed by Disney, has taken in $35.4 million domestically since opening Wednesday.

[Associated Press]

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Perry, New Religious Guy, Will Not Play In Peoria

My favorite part of this is Perry being hot on the heels of Romney, who can't distinguish humanity from the mass of corporate bullshit we confront every day. He's against abortion and gay marriage and he doesn't like Obama.

Interesting that he doesn't take George Bush to task. Almost as if he had never been President at all, and he's from Texas too. Hmmm.

Perry is a strong fundraiser and can outpray the field. He wants to be President and he prays for America. Me too.
Republican Rick Perry, the conservative governor of Texas, on Saturday declared himself a candidate for president with a blistering attack on Democratic President Barack Obama.

"I realize that the United States of America really is the last great hope of mankind," Perry said, as he accused Obama of imperiling America's standing in the world with "disastrous economic policies" and the "incoherent muddle that they call foreign policy."

Delivering a speech to about 700 conservative activists in South Carolina, Perry, 61, touted his job creation record in Texas and promised to reduce taxes, business regulations and the overall role of government in people's lives. He said leaders in Washington have lacked courage and Obama's policies have "prolonged our national misery, not alleviated it."

"Mr. President, let us tell you something. You cannot win the future by selling America off to foreign creditors. We cannot afford four more years of this rudderless leadership," Perry said.

Perry's entry shakes up the race for the Republican nomination to face Obama in the November 2012 general election. Opinion polls indicate Perry already is close on the heels of former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, the early Republican front-runner.

The announcement by Perry, who has made his deep Christian faith a big part of his public image, came one week after he led a seven-hour religious rally in Houston to pray for America, a nation he described as "in crisis."

The three-term Texas governor is an opponent of abortion rights and gay marriage. He is considered a strong fund-raiser.

[Reuters]

Friday, August 12, 2011

Romney Struggles To Distinguish People From Other Legal Entities

The first thing that popped into my head was Charlton Heston screaming "Soylent Green is people!" Really, corporations aren't people. Starting with the legalities of it all, that's why they have separate taxes for individuals and corporations.

Also what is getting lost is the fact that it's not a matter of RAISING taxes on corporations. It's a matter of getting them to pay ANYTHING AT ALL. Everyone knows two thirds of American corporations don't pay U.S. taxes, including such notables as General Electric and Exxon.

Most people pay SOMETHING. So if corporations are people they must have some special mojo that keeps them in that ZERO tax bracket. I would also like to know what kind of doctor a corporation sees for a checkup. Romney is so rich he really might not know the difference between a person and a corporation. He probably drives around with corporations all day in his limo, and he may wonder why they refuse his offers for drinks. Do corporations have mouths? Can they get drunk? Does Romney have a pulse? Is he human? If people and corporations are one in the same how about other inanimate objects? Is it a Buddhist all is one with the universe thing? Has Romney taken acid? All good questions for the campaign trial ahead.

It would be great if this debate could ever emerge into the full light of day, with all the facts out there, instead of being obscured by clouds, which puts me in mind that Pink Floyd album, back when they were good.
Mitt Romney’s visit to the Iowa State Fair on Thursday might have been the best debate prep session he could have hoped for.

Romney’s appearance at the fair’s soapbox grew unusually testy when a few angry people heckled the Republican presidential candidate over his declaration not to raise taxes. They urged the campaign front-runner to increase taxes on the wealthy to help fund such entitlement programs as Social Security and Medicare.

Romney explained that one way to fulfill promises on entitlement programs is to “raise taxes on people,” but before he could articulate his position on not raising taxes, someone interrupted.

“Corporations!” a protester shouted, apparently urging Romney to raise taxes on corporations that have benefited from loopholes in the tax code. “Corporations!”

“Corporations are people, my friend,” Romney said.

Some people in the front of the audience shouted, “No, they’re not!”

“Of course they are,” Romney said. “Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to people. Where do you think it goes?”

The heated exchange prompted an attack from Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

“Mitt Romney’s comment today that ‘corporations are people’ is one more indication that Romney and the Republicans on the campaign trail and in Washington have misplaced priorities,” she said in a statement, calling the comment a “shocking admission.”

[Washington Post]

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Crying Game

The Captain presumes Dr. Spock would not approve of this.

A baby wailing its arms, howling in misery and shedding tears galore is typically perceived as a sign that Little Timmy or Little Tina needs his/her diaper changed. However, this general outlook doesn’t apply to Japan—or at least not to Japan’s notorious ‘Crying Sumo’ contest.

[...]

The festival first begins with a blessing from the monk, who according to ABC “dabs a ceremonial stamp on the forehead of each baby.” Then each sumo picks up a baby and is tasked with making it cry; in fact, whosever baby bursts into tears first is heralded as the winner. And in case two babies simultaneously begin bawling, victory then goes to whosever baby cries the loudest.

Tactics used to break the babies include gently shaking them left and right or rocking them up and down, growling and making mean, scary faces. In case a baby dares and laughs (it does happen), monks donning frightful masks are brought in to assist. All the while, the head monk utters “nake, nake,” which means “cry, cry.”

Thousands of mothers line up every year to volunteer their babies, who must be no younger than 6 months and no older than 3 years, into the competition. Not only is winning good in that it sucks to lose, but children capable of producing an “impressive wail” are considered to be in better health than those too shy or weak in vocal chords to do as such.



[Weird Asia News]

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Predictive Power Of Daily Downers Is The Only Thing Left To Rely On

Just YESTERDAY I wrote about layoffs on Wall Street and people giving up their will to fight in the upcoming war with the zombies. TODAY Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase, is denying that banks are turning into zombies! And this other woman Meredith Whoever used the term "zombies" to refer to banks and the horrible people that run them.

Alcoholics refuse to acknowledge their problems with alcohol and this process is called "denial." If Jamie Dimon is refusing to acknowledge the threat of zombies I think it proves that he knows the bankers are going to turn into zombies any day now and he's just trying to keep everybody cool while he does the Dr. Evil thing and freezes himself in an underground bunker somewhere with Elvis while he waits for the whole zombie thing to blow over.

It's classic "denial." A textbook case. The bankers are going to be the most fucked up zombies of all, I'm sure of it! Canned goods and ammo. Max out your credit cards, you won't have to pay those bills. Nobody will be around to collect. You can stimulate the economy AND prepare at the same time. Get moving.
U.S. banks may be facing numerous headwinds, but they are not "zombies," Jamie Dimon told CNBC Wednesday.

"I love Meredith and all that but, honestly, most of that stuff is hogwash," the CEO of JPMorgan Chase said, referring to well-known analyst Meredith Whitney, who told CNBC earlier in the day that large U.S. banks are "turning into zombies" because they have little net worth but are backed by the government and continue to meet their obligations.

"All businesses have things that change all the time-interest rates, commodity prices, cost of wages, demand, supply-and you have to manage around that," Dimon said during a bus tour of California Chase branches. "That's not to say there's not negatives against banks. Bad economy is a headwind, volatility may not be but people being scared is a headwind."
[CNBC]

Heads Will Roll

Thinking about building a hovercraft from scratch using an "online design"?

Think again.

A New Zealand man has been decapitated by a propeller while demonstrating a home-made hovercraft to his family, local media reports say.

Dr Alastair Kenneth Senior, 40, died instantly when his hovercraft suffered a mechanical failure, causing a blade to shear off and hit him in the head.

[...]

It was reported to be the first time Mr Senior had driven the hovercraft. Police said that the victim had made the vehicle from scratch, possibly using an online design.

[...]

Police said anyone could build or fly a hovercraft in New Zealand without a licence.

The newspaper went on to quote a former member of the Hovercraft Club of New Zealand, Ashley Shaw, who said the craft were generally safe.

"To make them, it's a piece of cake. I designed my own," he said.

"Hovercraft are inherently very, very safe and simple devices. They are quite stable."

[BBC]

Recycling Kills

Goddamn you, Al Gore!

An East Toledo woman died after she fell head-first into her city-issued recycling container outside of her home, likely after going to throw trash away.

According to a preliminary report, Sheila Decoster, 62, died of positional asphyxia, meaning that, because of Mrs. Decoster's position in the container, she was not able to breathe properly, said Lucas County Deputy Coroner Diane Barnett.

In her 29 years in the coroner's office, Dr. Barnett said she has never seen anything quite like it.

[...]

Mr. Decoster, who left for work about 3:30 a.m., returned home about 5 p.m. with a load of groceries. He didn't see his wife when he first walked in.

He assumed she might be next door visiting with a neighbor, and when he walked out the front door, he saw his wife's leg sticking out of the bin, which is next to the porch.

"I just happened to look to the left and, honestly, thought it was a dummy," Mr. Decoster said, pausing to breathe.

"I shook her leg and called her name, and I knew she was gone."

[...]

It appears that Mrs. Decoster tried to kick her way out of the 64-gallon receptacle, but was unsuccessful.

At the scene, once Mrs. Decoster's body was removed, Steve Kahle, a coroner's investigator, tried to tip the can but was unable to do so, Dr. Barnett said.

Mrs. Decoster's family said Monday that they were concerned because the can was difficult to tip over.

"Could I blame the city because the cans aren't tippable?" Mr. Decoster said. "I don't know. City liability hasn't crossed my mind."

[...]

"Even though I've seen a lot of death, I can't open that can," said Mr. Decoster, who served in the Army Airborne division for three years, spending 13 months in Vietnam. "I need to put some recyclables in the can and I just can't do it.

"That's not me. I'm a strong person, strong-willed, but this is hitting me pretty hard," Mr. Decoster said.

[Toledo Blade]

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Zen and the Art of Lobster Fishing

On the bright side, these lobsters are just a pot of boiling water away from nirvana.

Talk about bad karma.

On Thursday, a group of Buddhists traveled to Gloucester and purchased 534 lobsters, about 600 pounds worth, from a wholesaler and dumped them back into the sea in a prayer ceremony in which the crustaceans’ bands were cut and blessed water was sprayed on them.

Freedom. But it may have been short-lived.

Yesterday, lobstermen from the fishing vessel Degelyse said they had traveled to the site of the ceremony, laid their traps, and hauled up exactly 534 lobsters, according to a local blog, Goodmorninggloucester.org.

And then they brought their haul right back to market.

[...]

The Reuters news agency reported on the Buddhists’ release of the lobsters, which featured a group of 30 who boarded a whale-watching ship and conducted their ceremony.

The actions included prayers, mantras, and walking boxes of lobsters in a circle around blessed objects, which is designed to "develop a karmic connection for the animals’ future lifetimes."

"Even if they get captured again, they’ve had a longer life," Wendy Cook, who helped lead the ceremony, told Reuters.

[...]

In a video on [fish wholesaler Joe] Ciaramitaro’s blog, the lobstermen joke that the Buddhists are welcome to re-purchase the lobsters and release them again.

[Boston Globe]

Monday, August 8, 2011

The REAL Crisis - Swept Under The Rug, Or Earth, As It Were

Here's an article about even MORE layoffs hurting the economy, and these will come soon on Wall Street. Before I can get too happy about that, what's so disturbing - we now have so many immediate headaches to deal with that everyone is working on the mess right in front of them full time, all the time. So nobody is paying attention to the crisis looming in the background, the mother of all headaches, and the end of the world.

Unemployment is going to be a key factor in the upcoming avalanche of zombies that we will be battling over the next few decades as we are overrun by floods, talking dogs, radiation, and other assorted environmental catastrophes as our air and water become progressively unfit for human consumption.

As more people become unemployed, they won't care enough about their lives to fight the zombies. They will be more inclined just to give up and join in. If a guy is sitting on his couch eating dog food, and the zombies come in, he is just going to say "what the hell." Let them take a bite and get with the new program. This is where we need real leadership from our politicians, to give us hope in the face of this onslaught. It would be a hell of a battle even without the unemployed Wall Street guys, and any battle where we would rely on politicians is absolutely hopeless, but now, it seems even more...hopeless. If that's possible.

Trust me, these zombies are going to make unemployment look like a picnic. It would be better to be attacked by an army of 50 foot women, because quite a few of them are hot. Check out this picture I took of my last 50 foot woman, who I met in the South Seas. She never dropped me, not even once. Carried me around in her bra. I was supposed to keep these pictures a secret but I just don't see the point anymore. Stock up on canned goods and ammunition. You're more than welcome.
New York City, whose economy rests on Wall Street's shoulders, has the most to fear from a confidence-rattling economic shock because the city's budget is prepared to adjust to a gradual decline, economists say.

The stock market's meltdown and the tens of thousands of layoffs announced by the city's hometown financial industry have not -- at least for now -- matched the stresses of 2008-2009.

"There's a difference in magnitude and certainly a difference in the financial situation," said James Brown, a labor analyst, at the state Department of Labor. Banks may not be earning as much as expected, but he said: "No one's sitting around talking about going out of business the next quarter."

What is not yet known is precisely how many bankers, traders, analysts and brokers will lose their jobs in the city. Pink slips likely will descend on many workers in other states and countries.

"Volatility and unpredictability is probably the best way to characterize where we are now," State Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli told Reuters.


[Reuters]

Blow to His Manhood

Shooting yourself in the penis is bad enough, but to do so with a pink pistol is downright emasculating.

CHANDLER, AZ - Chandler police say a 27-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the groin outside a grocery store Tuesday night.

It happened in the parking lot of the Fry's Food Store at Elliot and Alma School roads.

According to the police report, the man had his fiancee's pink pistol tucked in the front waistband of his pants when the gun accidentally fired.

The bullet hit the man's penis and then went through one of his legs.

He was then taken to the hospital and underwent surgery.

Police said it's not clear how bad the injuries were but called them non-life threatening.

[ABC 15]

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Science Explains, But Religion EXPLAINS!

It took me awhile to catch up to this one. Science is like all blah blah blah but it's a red lake right?

The problem is ACTING on information like this. If it was a 100% slam dunk guaranteed apocalypse then you can look good playing the markets for a day. But what if you party like it's 1999 and it...isn't? And 1999 is just a figure of speech? You know what I mean.

As short term ideas go this does not amount to much, but as a long term three year and out prediction I'm saying put a few black chips on "total environmental catastrophe" over the next few decades. A safe bet. Contact your investment advisor or play cards accordingly.
A Texas lake that turned blood-red this summer may not be a sign of the End Times, but probably is the end of a popular fishing and recreation spot.

A drought has left the OC Fisher Reservoir in San Angelo State Park in West Texas almost entirely dry. The water that is left is stagnant, full of dead fish — and a deep, opaque red.

The color has some apocalypse believers suggesting that OC Fisher is an early sign of the end of the world, but Texas Parks and Wildlife Inland Fisheries officials say the bloody look is the result of Chromatiaceae bacteria, which thrive in oxygen-deprived water.

"It's just heartbreaking," said Charles Cruz, a fish and wildlife technician with Texas Parks and Wildlife in San Angelo, Tex.
[Livescience.com]

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Way-yay-yay-yait Mr. Postman

Everything is crumbling into dust. "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor white of snow nor black of night and pain of fire will keep us from our appointed rounds." That's what it says on the main Post Office in New York. Now the Post Office is just another lame business on its way to the dustbin of history.

All those great Wild West stories of the Pony Express fighting off the Indians to deliver phone bills, all to be forgotten or misremembered. Mailmen trudging through piles of bodies after earthquakes to put Readers Digest in the remaining apartment mailboxes, and even shoving a few under doors when everything else was just rubble.

You get used to certain things. Catalogues, contest invitations, not so many letters anymore, nobody cares about that, you can always text people, that seems to be the way of the world now. All garbage. Maybe I can start a private mail service, to go along with my service for accepting nude photos from politicians. Out of all these great business ideas something has to work out. Doesn't it?
The U.S. Postal Service posted a net loss of $3.1 billion in its third quarter and warned again it would default on payments to the federal government if Congress did not step in.

Total mail volume for the quarter that ended June 30 fell to 39.8 billion pieces, a 2.6 percent drop from the same period a year earlier, as consumers turn to email and pay bills online.

The mail carrier, which does not get taxpayer funds, has struggled to overhaul its business as mail volumes fall. It has said personnel costs weigh heavily and is facing a massive retiree health benefit prepayment next month.

"We are experiencing a severe cash crisis and are unable to continue to maintain the aggressive prepayment schedule," Joseph Corbett, the agency's chief financial officer, said in a statement.

"Without changes in the law, the Postal Service will be unable to make the $5.5 billion mandated prepayment due in September."

Congress, which last week ended a vitriolic debate about the U.S. government's debt levels and budget deficit, is now in recess until early September.

USPS cut work hours during the quarter by 3.1 percent compared to the previous year, when quarterly net losses were $3.5 billion.

[Reuters]

Friday, August 5, 2011

No Friends at Work? Prepare to Die

This probably won't be of much concern to the vast bulk of Daily Downers readers since most of you don't have jobs.

For the minority of you who do go to work, it's a pretty safe bet that you and your coworkers share an intense, mutual contempt for one another. If this description fits you, it's time for you to get your affairs in order.

Over all, people who believed they had little or no emotional support in the workplace were 2.4 times more likely to die during the course of the study than the workers who developed stronger bonds with their peers in other cubicles.

To study how office politics influenced health, the researchers recruited 820 adults who visited a local health clinic in 1988 for routine checkups, then interviewed them about their jobs, asking detailed questions that delved into whether they found their supervisors and peers approachable, friendly and helpful to them.

[...]

By the time the study ended in 2008, 53 of the workers taking part had died; most of them had cast their work support networks in a negative light.

[...]

One thing [researchers] noticed was that the risk was only affected by a person’s relationship with his or her peers, and not that person’s supervisors. The way people viewed their relationships with their bosses had no impact on mortality.

[NYT]

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Money Isn't Everything

To hell with U2! Guys in jogging suits, environmentally correct, positively healthy. Live Nation is very proud. Hey on behalf of everyone who actually breathes air, FUCK LIVE NATION! Alright.

The Stones - not healthy, decisively, drugged out and cavorting with every available man and woman baby yeah! What environment? Starving where? ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-rock-ah-yeah-oh-baby-now-ah-yeahhhh!

U2 cannot lay claim to being a real rock band since none of them have been busted. Plus what have they contributed to the rock touring lexicon? You don't hear stories about U2 and any 15 year old groupies right? You bet you don't. Bunch of businessmen is all they are really. Poofs too.
Perhaps they should change their name to U$?

When U2's "360°" tour wrapped its 110th -- and final -- show in Moncton, N.B., on Saturday night, it became the most successful tour in history with a gross of $736.1 million.

Beginning in Barcelona in 2009, the tour made its way through 30 countries across five continents, and the Irish rock band played for more than 7.1 million fans.

"This tour was a brilliant success on every level and all involved should be extremely proud," the band's tour producer and chairman of Live Nation's Global Touring, Arthur Fogel, said in a statement. "U2 once again have set the standard for achievement – perhaps for all time."

U2 beat the record previously held by the Rolling Stones earlier this year with a tour gross of $558 million.

[Daily News]

Crazy Horse

Rest assured, the Captain's impeccable sources inform him that no horses or humans were injured in the making of this film.



[The Hairpin]

"It Takes Balls to Execute an Innocent Man"

Back in 2004, Texas Governor Rick Perry went ahead with the execution of Cameron Todd Willingham, despite the mountains of evidence that Willingham was innocent of the heinous crime of which he was accused.

If readers are unfamiliar with the case, the Captain recommends this New Yorker piece which describes it in vivid detail. Long story short, it's virtually certain that Willingham did not commit the crime and it's even more certain that Rick Perry was fully aware of this fact.

You might think Perry's direct involvement in this deplorable miscarriage of justice would be an electoral liability with voters. But if we're talking about Texas Republican voters, you'd be sorely mistaken.

Perry would also have to answer for parts of his record that have either never been fully scrutinized in Texas, or that might be far more problematic before a national audience.

Veterans of Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison’s unsuccessful 2010 primary challenge to Perry recalled being stunned at the way attacks bounced off the governor in a strongly conservative state gripped by tea party fever. Multiple former Hutchison advisers recalled asking a focus group about the charge that Perry may have presided over the execution of an innocent man – Cameron Todd Willingham – and got this response from a primary voter: “It takes balls to execute an innocent man.”

[Politico] via [Jonathan Chait]

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Sometimes It's Best to Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Looks like the Captain would be wise to reinforce his ship's bathroom sink pronto.

A NEW Zealand woman nearly died after her hand has accidentally severed during holiday sex on a yacht in Croatia.

The woman, 28, was having sex with a British man on a bathroom sink aboard the yacht when the sink broke, severing her hand when she fell, the Croatian Times reported.

"It appears they were engaged in a passionate act in the bathroom where at some stage the sink broke - leaving a jagged edge that severed the woman's hand when she fell to the floor," police spokesman Kraljevic Gudelj said.

"The young woman almost died, and was only saved after she was airlifted to hospital where doctors managed to reattach the severed limb. It had only been attached by a small amount of skin."

[...]

"We believe it was probably an accident but the British man has fled and the New Zealand girl is understandably hard to speak to at the moment. We want to track him down to find out his side of the story," Mr Gudelj said.

[Daily Telegraph]

New Service Available Now At Daily Downers

Out of all the stupid things I've done, this one is not on the list. What is so compelling about sending a picture of yourself naked to somebody? I don't get it. I don't mind SEEING some of these photos, but is it such an urgent thing? The biggest turn on? I don't see it.

And what is so irresistable about this practice to politicians? It's almost like in order to be a politician you have to be some kind of perv or brain dead when it comes to this stuff.

So here's my idea. If anyone has the urge to send a naked picture of themselves around, DON'T DO IT! You can send it here, to ME, where I will hold it in complete confidence. Even the President of the United States can rest assured that I will keep a lid on that shit. Send me the picture and $100 and you can get your jollies and keep your secret safe with me. Limited time only, I don't know how many kooks are out there and our servers can't handle too much more beyond our four regular readers. But a few pictures would enable us to think about buying bigger ones. THINK about buying them. Not necessarily buying them. I want to be honest here.
After an online sexting scandal brought down Congressman Anthony Weiner, the last thing a politician would even consider is sending a nude self-portrait over the Internet. Apparently not.

Cumberland County freeholder Louis Magazzu, 53, stepped down on Tuesday after nude photos he sent to a woman with whom he had a long online relationship were posted on the website of conservative blogger Carl Johnson, said Magazzu's lawyer Rocco Cipparone.

"Unfortunately, in my personal life, I did not always demonstrate the wisdom and balance that I expected from myself, and that the people of Cumberland County deserve and have every right to expect," Magazzu said in a statement.

Magazzu, a Democrat, hired Cipparone to pursue legal action against Johnson, a Republican. He said the images were meant to be seen only by the woman and he was set up.

"A woman who I have never met personally, but have corresponded with on the Internet for several years, has recently shared some photographs which she requested and that were intended only for her eyes," Magazzu said in the statement.

"I did not know that she was working with an avowed political enemy to distribute these pictures ... I have retained counsel to determine what laws may have been broken by the unauthorized distribution of those pictures. No government services or equipment were used by me when taking the pictures or transmitting them to the woman in question."

The photos appear to show Magazzu standing naked in front of a mirror.

[Reuters]

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

"Look, Mom -- No Hands!"

Q: What was the last thing to go through the skydiving quadriplegic's mind after he hit the ground?

A: His wheelchair.

SALMON, Idaho (Reuters) - A quadriplegic skydiver plunged 18,000 feet to his death because he was unable to manually deploy his parachute, and his emergency chute was not set to automatically release, authorities said on Monday.

Jack Fogle, 27, of Kingston, Washington, died Saturday afternoon just minutes after he and seven others launched themselves from a plane during a celebrated skydiving event in northwest Montana that drew scores of parachutists, said Flathead County Undersheriff Jordan White.

Fogle, a veteran of 125 jumps over five years, was hampered by his physical disability from manually activating his primary parachute and was likely counting on his backup chute to deploy. He hit the ground from a fall estimated at 120 miles per hour, White said.

[...]

White said Fogle's death has been ruled an accident, dispelling widespread rumors of a suicide wish.

"Zack died with another jump pass in his pocket," said White. "He was living his dream. His was an incredible story of his drive to live and to excel in this sport despite being disabled from an (automobile) accident when he was a junior in high school."

[...]

Skydivers can manually deploy reserve chutes mid-fall, but physical challenges likely prevented Fogle from taking advantage of what is considered a last-ditch but fail-safe practice, said White, a licensed pilot.

[Reuters]